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Dreams & Nightmares

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”.

I read an amazing book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” by Dr. Spencer earlier this summer. If you're the type of person who struggles with change or you're contemplating if it’s time to make a change please read this book. I read this book the day after I went to a job interview and I was unsure if I was ready to start a new opportunity and potentially leave a job that I was comfortable with. Reading that book gave me the push I needed to accept the new job offer and a few weeks later I quit the job I was miserable yet comfortable at. One particular question in the book stuck out to me and I’ve thought about it quite often since I’ve finished the book.

The big question was “what would you do if you weren’t afraid?”. This is a loaded question and fear keeps a lot of people from living their lives including me. Some of us fear being judged. Some of us fear being failures. Some of us fear being alone. The list of fears can go on and on. Although I’ve done a lot of shit such as traveling abroad, moving away from my family, and other shit that people deem fearless...I have a list of fears too. Outside of not having the finances to do certain things, fear has held me back from being consistent or making an effort to achieve certain goals.

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

Here’s a list of things I’m afraid to do and I’m praying in the later half of my 20’s I’ll address my fears and become the best version of myself.

  1. Focus on my book career & stop putting it on the back burner. The book industry is flooded and can be consumed with drama, and readers can be harsh. I’m sensitive about my work and the genre I love writing for tends to involve drama from what I’ve observed. From authors being mad about book covers, titles, & visuals to readers leaving negative reviews about a book they never read just because they dislike the author. Also with the urban fiction industry being flooded I feel pressure to write a certain type of way in order to hit the best sellers charts. Honestly I just want to write my books, interact with readers that like my work and make my money, that’s it. Everything else is too much and most importantly I don’t ever want my passion to turn into a job which is something I’ve seen happen with other authors. Then writing has the potential to make me six figures, but bills are due now and lastly it’s going on 3 years since I wrote book one and I wonder if it’s too late to drop the sequel.

  2. Build my bartending business. It’s going to cost money to take the class, get bar materials, create a business name, and build my presence on social media so I can gain a clientele. Basically it’s a lot of work and money upfront and I don’t have a stack of money to invest in being a mobile bartender.

  3. Start dating again & stop playing. I’m tired of getting my feelings hurt. The end!

  4. Move to a new city when my lease is up. I’m indecisive of where I want to move to. I wonder if it’s the right time to move and the thought of getting acquainted with a new environment makes me anxious. Change is hard for me. Lastly, I want to live a certain lifestyle and the money has to be right before I move to certain cities.

  5. Monetize my blog. Blogging is fun for me and if I start to make money from it then it’ll feel like a job versus being something I do when I have the time and desire to write something. However, it's dope that I can potentially make a living off of writing & blogging.

After being honest about my fears I know most of them could happen within the next year if I focused on being financially disciplined and don't allow the possibility of failure to take over my mind. Writing books, becoming a mobile bartender, and moving is all based on having the funds to fund these goals as well as believing in myself which is something I’m constantly struggling with internally. I can monetize my blog whenever I want to and the more research I do on blogging I may discover that it’s possible to blog freely and still create some income from a hobby. Lastly, dating is a loss cause right now and I don’t have the mental capacity to entertain the dating field or actively work on the issues that’s going to effect me having a healthy relationship.

On the bright side I did pay a deposit for a bartender course that’s going to make me certified mixologist and assist me with finding bartending events. I’ve also created a pen name where I’m going to write contemporary romance which frees me from the writing restrictions and expectations I feel when I’m writing urban fiction. I'm currently working on my second book and although I’m not sure if readers are still waiting on part 2 I’ve decided I need to write the sequel to prove a point to myself. Also, to prove I’m capable of writing a complete series and prove it’s never too late to finish what you started.

I pray I can look back at this post a year from now and definitely by my 30th birthday and say I did everything I was once afraid to do.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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