“Safe sex and pay checks.” – K. Michelle
Just a glimpse of some conversations I've had with some people...
Some random: “When are you going to have kids?”
My response: "Whenever I want to which isn’t now."
My mommy: “I’d love for you to have a baby right now, but I know you’re not ready.”
My response: “Your exactly right I’m not ready and it’s not happening no time soon.”
My Nanna: “It sure would be nice to have a great grandbaby soon.”
Me: Nothing, I didn’t say anything. I mean it’s my Nanna Banana I don’t want to disappoint her.
Disclaimer: No, I’m not pregnant. Yes, I have a glow that’s been radiating lately but it’s not because of a baby.
For a while now numerous people in my life keep insinuating that I should have a baby. I always thought my family would be disappointed if I had a baby before certain parts of my life were in order, but clearly I thought wrong. Lately the pressure to pop out a baby has been real and it’s starting to annoy me. Yes, babies are cute and yes, babies are a wonderful blessing from God, but having a baby right now would be my worst nightmare.
Unfortunately, none of the people I’m speaking of have thought about what Erica wants. Has anybody ever thought to ask me if I even want kids? Everybody just assumes I want kids and I should have them now. Smh, hell no matter fact FUCK NO!. Then my momma loves to bring up how I have a great support system, which is partly true. My support system is great in the 252 area yet I’m in the 336 so unless somebody makes a move the alleged support system I have is not valid. Granted I have one degree under my belt, and I have my own place but I’m not ready for a baby. Yes, I’ll probably be a great mom one day but not right now. I want to be married before I bring a kid into this world. I want a family not a baby daddy. I want to be in a certain tax bracket and completed grad school before I have a baby. I want to travel the world and get my writing career popping before I pop out a baby. You get the point I have a long list of shit to do and having a baby right now didn’t make the cut lol.
Here’s something I said during the summer of 2015, “ I’m about to be 20 years old and no I don’t have kids.” OMG! This statement created an uproar on Facebook a few years ago and still till this day when I say I’m such & such age without kids’ people get offended. Yes, I know a lot of millennials already have kids and damn near everybody in my hometown has 2 kids already. I mean I get it so many other people in my age group have kids, so what am I waiting for? I’m waiting on everything to fall in place. Yes people have kids before they’re ready but I’m doing everything in my will power to ensure I’m not one of those people and damn it people should respect that. I’m not condemning young parents or talking down on people who had kids before they were ready, but I don’t want that for my life. I grew up watching my sister struggle as a single mom of three, so I know it’s not easy having a kid(s) when you’re not mentally, financially, and emotionally ready.
On some real shit, parenthood isn’t nothing to play with, but we currently live in a society where people take having kids lightly. Kids cost money and if you’re not financially prepared then it’s going to be a struggle. Once you have kid(s) it’s no longer all about you and right now I’m selfish as fuck. Then you can’t just up & do stuff such travel or go out with your girls if you have a child. You always have to make arrangements for daycare or a babysitter and let’s be honest daycare is high as hell. I wish my generation would heavily consider the cost and consequences of having kids before they’re ready. Also, I don’t believe nor do I support abortions because babies are a blessing. However, I do believe in safe sex, abstinence, and birth control. I’m not trying to paint an awful picture of parenthood but being a parent is serious business. For pete sake God is gifting you with the responsibility of another human being so don’t take the role of being a parent lightly.
So this is for all the young ladies who’s felt or currently feeling pressured by family, friends, and society to have a kid. You don’t have to do shit but enjoy your life and have a kid when you’re ready. And to the people who are constantly asking about kids or insinuating young ladies should have kids need to stop it, immediately. Leave them alone. Let them enjoy their 20’s. There’s so much more to life than birthing another life.
Lastly, I forgot to mention my godson whom I can spoil and love on which is another reason why I don’t desire or feel the need to have a kid yet. And as much as I love my godson, I don’t have baby fever and to be real I’ve never experienced it. Maybe in my late 20’s early 30’s I’ll give the people what they want lol. So I’m sorry for the disappointment but once & for all, Erica does not plan to have kids no time soon. Leave me be and let me embrace my early 20’s..I have a few flights to catch later this year and I’m gearing up for chapter 24.
Ladies Imagine this: you stop idealizing marriage & start acting like a 23-year-old with her whole life ahead of her. You get an education, you travel, & you stop assuming your life starts and ends with a husband.