"To love is nothing, to be loved is something, but to love and be love is everything." - T. Tolis
Disclaimer: I’m in my feelings..
It’s no secret I’ve been single for a minute and by a minute I mean my last real relationship ended in October 2015 and shit has been up shits creek ever since lol. A few months after this break up, I started talking to somebody but that came to an end in October 2016 which is shortly after I turned 21. I unknowingly stop dating after this because the qualities I wanted in a significant other changed. At 21, I had to grow up quick unlike most people because I graduated from college early, I started a real job, & I had real bills. Therefore, dealing with somebody who thought I should “Come thru” wasn’t ideal anymore. So I was alone for a year and I met somebody in September 2017, and things were great, but an awful situation happened & things end in October 2017. Damn it’s something about the month of October that leads to breakups lol. Needless to say I’ve grown lonely after all this time and no I don’t need a man but let’s be honest everybody needs somebody.
I know your thinking to yourself I should jump back into the dating scene, but little do you know it’s not that simple. I’m not who I use to be during college, I’m grown as fuck and the shit I use to tolerate years ago will not fly with me now. I don’t want to just have sex. I’m not here for situationships. I’m not trying to understand your fucked-up ways/behavior. I’m not here to play games with a grown man. I’m not here for you to cheat and make me cry. Basically I’m not here for the bullshit and if it sound like I’m complaining it’s because I am.
I’m beyond tired of feeling like I have to accept less in order to have a man. It’s not fair (inserts crying face emoji). Then I hate when people think I’m being stuck up or mean for not taking a man’s shit. Sorry not sorry if being with a guy means I have to deal with hurt and pain in the process then I don’t want no parts of him. Love is a beautiful thing and I’ve been in love before to know it’s real, which is why I’m longing to feel this feeling again.
Then people like my momma love to tell me “Just wait your time it coming” or “God has somebody special for you”. I’m so sick of hearing that shit, ughhh. My patience is worn thin. I’m tired of waiting. I’m sick of feeling like I have morals and standards to only be pushed aside for the girls who are IG models or willing to have sex with a quickness. My guy bff tells me all the time that men don't take those kind of girls serious, but right now those type of girls are winning. But in the meantime what about the girls who aren't fucking right away? What about the girls who demand respect? What about the girls who don't tolerate cheating? What about us....hmmm questions that need answers.
I want love. I want something real. I want a boyfriend who’s going to be a great husband. I want a family (5-7 years from now lol). I want all of this without having to change who I am or settling for less. Shit, hell I deserve it or at least in my mind I deserve it. I know somebody thinks I’m tripping because every time I rant about this there’s always some guy who thinks I’m asking for too much or some girl who believes you have to struggle with a man before greatness happens, but I don’t feel that way.
No I’m not trying to bash men and no I’m not saying all girls settle for less. But what I am saying is I’ve seen and experienced some shit in my 23 years of living and I want somebody who’s going to come along and show me something different. Maybe sometime in 2019 I'll look back at this rant and thank God I weathered the single storm.
"So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday." Noah, The Notebook