Disclaimer: I told myself I was done speaking on relationship stuff because the podcast era has ran relationship topics into the ground but this viral video needed to be talked about.
"Marry a man that wants to be a husband, not a man who just wants a wife."
In 2019 I wrote a post about being submissive and that link will be listed at the end and recently thanks to the podcast era and a social media influencer interview going viral the topic of submission has resurfaced again. If you haven’t seen the video get on YouTube and search Shan Boody with Watch Jazzy.
After hearing this interview I noticed my issue with the term and meaning behind being submissive, which can be defined as to obey or yield to someone else. In my opinion her version of term and a lot of men’s definition of submission is modern day slavery and Erica Nicole will never agreed to that.
Catering to my man is cool, but having a form of sex that makes me uncomfortable for his sake is not.
Listening and considering my man’s opinion and perspective is cool, but doing everything he says is not.
Making reasonable compromises for the sake of my relationship/marriage is cool, but losing my identity and giving up my dreams is not.
The reality is a lot of women know how to be submissive, but the question is what am I submitting to and submitting to a man shouldn't equate to him being controlling.
First off the bibles say submit to your husband not your baby daddy, not your boyfriend, and definitely not a bum, and even if you submit to somebody who’s not your husband he has to know how to lead and be a sound minded person. For example your man suggesting that y’all move to a cheaper apartment because you're going back to school and all the bills will be on him is totally different than Ray Ray suggesting y’all be late on paying bills so y’all can put money towards his struggling rap career.
Secondly, I’m so tired of hearing about what women did back in the day. Men also paid all the bills 50 years ago too, but nobody wants to talk about that part. Women didn’t work and have the autonomy that millennial women have today. Honestly a lot of women, especially black women, are getting a bigger bag than men these days. In my opinion financial abuse is real and that’s what was going on back in the day. For example, grandma had 5 kids and no job, what else could she do when her husband was cheating, beating her, molesting young girls, etc. Women have options now and I love that for us.
Also, men don’t understand that most women have heard from their grandma, aunties, and moms to not grow up and be like them. During mother’s day weekend I saw my nanna and she told me “Back in the day women didn’t have a choice. You turned 18, got married and had kids. There were times that I wanted to leave my marriage, but I had kids so I stayed. Young girls like you have choices and y’all should embrace it.” Despite the abortion ban and unequal pay gap women have come too far and we have too many options to go back to acting like we’re in the 1950’s. Speaking of abortions, it’s another reminder that men want to control women and it’s scary to think about what else men in power are willing to do to remind women that once upon time we were nothing without them, which is sad as fuck.
Third, when you take away the money factor a lot of men don’t have anything else to offer. They don’t bring peace. They don’t support your goals and dreams. They want you to cook, clean, care for the kids, and split the bills which crazy af. They want you to be in the house and not enjoying life which is another form of modern day slavery. I was in a relationship with a six figure nigga, but outside of money he wasn’t elite. His mental health was a sinking ship. He had a dysfunctional relationship with his parents. He was always cheating on me and outside of wanting to pay for my college tuition he didn’t support my other goals and dreams. He was also the type that wanted me to have kids and not go out with my friends. Every man is different but some men definitely have some of his characteristics, and like I said before nothing about him or that situation was elite.
I read an interesting twitter thread that broke down how money as well as certain laws have been a convenient way to control women. Now men have to have substance. Character matters. Being emotional intelligence matters. Being supportive and open minded matters. Being ambitious matters. All of these factors are things that money can’t buy.
Fourth, being submissive always leads to women giving up something whether it’s her body, her dreams, her family/friends, etc. Any healthy relationship requires compromise, but women shouldn’t be making all the sacrifices. Too many women give and give and end up with the short end of the stick. Jesse Williams' wife was bitter and mad when they got divorced because she gave up her dreams, left her family, and relocated to support his career. Now she’s a single mom in her 40’s who didn’t get what she wanted from the divorce, and he’s moved on. Don't end up like her, sis.
Lastly, being independent or being yourself shouldn’t bother a real man. I think about Nicki Minaj’s marriage (despite his past) and how she’s very independent and makes more money than him, but her success doesn’t intimidate him. Although she’s a boss ass bitch from the outside looking in, her marriage shows that she’s submissive especially in the bedroom. At the end of the day you can be independent, a boss bitch, or whoever you want to be as a woman and still be submissive when need be. And to any man reading this, it's better for a woman to want you than to need you. It's crazy to me how some women are co-pendent on a man or they've gotten into a situation that they can't leave their marriage/relationship without consequences which is another form of modern day slavery.
To wrap it up, y’all know I don’t have a man anymore and when I did have one I often told him what I wasn’t going to do, but don’t be like me y’all ahaha. If you want to be as submissive as Jazzy then do it sis. If you want to be like me and put your foot on these niggas neck do it sis. Do what works for your relationship but I encourage all women to not be everything to a man who isn't giving you that same energy. At the end of the day God knows I need a man that understands my role in the relationship isn't tied to cooking, cleaning, or anything else that's alined with modern day slavery.
"Find you a man who will love you like Noah loves Allie."
2019 Submission post: https://www.ericanicolexo.com/post/be-submissive-they-say-hmmm
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