Disclaimer: I know I said I was going to be consistent but with everything going on in the world & my personal life I haven’t been in the mood to post anything which is why today's post is titled a young life crisis.
“I’m at a point where I don’t even know the point I’m at, but I’m at a point.”
I remember one of my high school teachers always told my class that “Life is hard then you die,” and sometimes I really believe that statement. Mentally I’ve been more anxious and stressed than normal. I’ve noticed that every year before my birthday I always get worried about getting older and feeling like I’m running out of time to get my shit together. On top of that inflation is making me cranky and I feel like I can’t afford to live life even though I’m making so much more money now,
Then I’m still sad about the past 2 mass shootings, and the Roe vs. Wade shit just took my emotions and anxiety over the edge. Lastly, I’ve spent the past month worrying about my recent doctor’s appt. even though I’ve been feeling fine. At this point I’ve gotten used to hearing bad news from doctors.
After venting to my momma I was starting to feel like I was being ungrateful because I have a good paying job that isn’t stressful. My doctor’s appt. actually went well, I’ve lost 15 lbs, I’m still able to travel, and I have my family and friends. Despite everything I just said being true, it’s toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity can be defined as dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. The reality is although I’m making more money I don’t see it due to inflation and if the economy doesn’t improve we’re going into a recession. Rent is the highest it’s ever been at $1500-2000 when the average American doesn’t make 3x the income. I have a lot of medical bills to pay off due to my ongoing health issues and to be honest some of my family and friends add to my stress load. Traveling is stressful due to no staff and high ass flights. So you show up at the airport not knowing if you're going to make it to your destination on time or better yet they cancel the flight, and to top it off we’re still in a pandemic.
“When I cry about one thing I end up crying about everything that’s messed up in my life.”
When I’m feeling like this I don’t want to see or communicate with anybody which is why although it’s hot girl summer I’ve been in the house for the month of June. I’ve canceled plans with some friends, and I wasn’t excited when Out of State bae told me he was coming down here this week. Then I had a mental breakdown last week where I cried for about an hour about life and I realized I’m experiencing what I call a young life crisis. I came up with this term about 5 years ago when my life started going downhill from credit card debt, being broke, beefing with one of my besties, and so much more.
A life crisis can be defined as an emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person’s life. Most people are familiar with a mid life crisis but I believe having a young life crisis is a thing too. I believe a lot of people in my age group are experiencing a crisis. I read a tweet where a girl said “I don’t think older adults realize how outright depressing it is for millennials and gen z to keep “investing in our future” when everything is headed towards a future that doesn’t seem even remotely bearable.’ Reading that tweet explained the depth of my sadness and anxiety. My life being a mess was thing when I was fucking it up, but it’s another thing when I have no control over half the shit that’s going on.
I said all this to say that it’s okay to feel sad and upset, but you can’t stay in that state of mind forever. I spent 90% of June being sad, annoyed, and frustrated but it’s time to move on. Goals still need to be met and money still has to be made.
I can’t control inflation but I can study, pass my HR job, and get to a bigger bag.
I can’t control when I have a skin or stomach flare up but I can make payment arrangements for the medical bills.
I can still travel but I need to work on having patience. I can make a realistic goals list and do what I can by my 27th birthday.
I can also pray that God keeps me sane and going during trying times.
To wrap it up, I downloaded a planner/notes app called Good Notes 5 which is helping me get organized and make a solid plan to reach certain goals. I ordered my birthday gift which is supposed to be here before my birthday (fingers crossed lol), and lastly I’m going to enjoy his visit this week since we don’t see each other that often.
As life remains uncertain for most people, please show people some grace and love as most Americans are doing the best they can.
“Folks see you see and automatically think it’s relationship problems. MF I need 60 million dollars.”
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