Disclaimer: I love my people but some people need to mind the business that pays them which isn’t me.
“Okay well that’s you, but on the other hand me oh I’m finna turn up” - Tiktok audio
I appreciate freedom of speech but we’re living in a time where thanks to social media, the podcast era, and Donald Trump’s presidency people feel like it’s okay to insert their opinions everywhere, even into your personal life.
If you know me or you’ve been reading my blog for a while then you know I’m not a fan of other people’s thoughts and opinions when it comes to me and my life. I’m a sound minded person who criticizes myself enough, therefore outside of God and my therapist I don't need anybody's opinion or assistance with running my life. Yes some people mean well, but it’s a lot of critics with no credentials. Regardless of why some people chose to speak their opinions, I wouldn’t be living for me if I listened to everything people had to say.
Here’s some examples of how some people's plans and opinions for my life didn’t align with me.
Some people wished I never left the 252. My momma literally tried to bribe me with a new apartment that she’d pay for so I wouldn’t go to UNCG, and of course people assume that I think I’m better than them because I left and never moved back.
Some people think I should’ve had kids already. One of my exes wanted me to have a baby when I was 19, WTF. Then when I turned 25, my guy bff and I had a major disagreement about kids and he pretty much told me I was missing out a great experience (chileee please).
Some people feel like I should have a book catalog on Amazon by now. Lately, my guy bff has been trying to push me to write, but I’m going to write and release books on my own terms. Hence why I self published my first book and I decided to terminate a publishing contract with a major urban fiction company. Yes there’s money to be made but my passion can’t thrive off of getting to the bag, it doesn’t work that way.
Some people were against me studying abroad in Spain. My parents and grandmothers spent several weeks making up scenarios and telling me what was going on in the news in hopes that I would cancel my study abroad opportunity. Fuck no! One international trip birthed my love and desire to keep being passport mami.
Some people didn’t understand why I quit 3 jobs from Sept. 2020-Oct. 2021. My dad strongly disagreed with me quitting a salary job, but I knew I was destined for so much more. Although it was a struggle to get to this point I found a different career path that I love. Imagine how miserable I would’ve been still working in the mental health field and now I’m making more money than I ever made.
Basically the trajectory of my life would’ve been different if I listened to everybody else, but thankfully I’ve always had the wisdom and courage to live my life for me. But with courage came the tears and ongoing disagreements with the people that I love over my life and my choices.
“I stand by all my choices, even though I paid the cost.”
I’ve always felt misunderstood as an adult and I’ve often expressed in therapy how it bothers me when people are trying to force me to be something that I don’t want to be. One person I’ve had the most disagreements with lately is my momma. Over the last few months we weren’t on the same page. My momma was making me feel like I was wrong for wanting to do certain shit, and for a while I was considering changing certain plans based on her thoughts and opinion. However, something in me still stood ten toes down behind what I wanted to do, and I let her know if she couldn’t support me then I wouldn’t share my journey with her which hurt her feelings, but it needed to be said.
As of a few days ago my mom and I had a breakthrough where she let me know that she talked to God and she supports my dreams and whatever else I decide to do because it’s my life. To my surprise she even acknowledged that she wished she would’ve fulfilled some of her goals and dreams, and she had to realize that her dream for my life didn’t mean that was going to be my dream for my life. I ended up crying (I hate being emotional) because she finally understood that there wasn’t anything wrong with my future plans and current lifestyle. I’m living for me and nobody else. I’m also here to fulfill God’s purpose and plan, not other people’s plans.
Unfortunately, everybody isn’t going to support your dreams or understand your journey which is okay. It took a long time for me to become okay with who I am because people dead ass tried to make me feel bad for being me. Being self-aware, knowing who you are, and what you want out of life outside of other people’s opinions is so important.
Also to avoid negativity or unwarranted opinions you have to create boundaries with the people you love and sometimes the boundary is not telling them shit. I love all of my friends but some of them never hear about my dating life, because they’re too opinionated and I don’t give a fuck. Only some of my friends and none of my family (besides my parents) know the 2 cities I’m thinking about moving to, because everybody will start becoming researchers and telling me their think pieces on the city I’m moving to when I don’t give a fuck. Yes it’s sad that you have to create this type of boundary with the people you love, because I believe if I’m happy and not doing something to hurt myself then others should be supportive and happy for me too. However, that’s not the reality of most situations and on the bright side with privacy comes peace.
Furthermore, anxiety has been an ongoing battle for me since I was a kid and it got increasingly worse as an adult. So mentally I can’t take in everybody’s thoughts and opinions when I’m worried and questioning my own self about certain shit that I’m trying to do. And, yes some people’s opinions may turn out to be right and yes, everything you decide to do may not be a success, but at least you tried. Most people don’t even try.
To wrap it up, a lot of people’s opinions on other people’s lives are rooted in fear, being selfish, or caring too much. Some people don’t want me to leave NC because they fear they’ll never see me. Some people want me to have kids because they’re ready to be an auntie/uncle or a grandparent not because I’ve expressed interest in kids which is selfish on their behalf. Then some people want to speak on my dating life, career choices, etc. because they're too invested. No matter the reason behind the noise you have to follow your heart and listen to what God is telling you to do. I love this quote that saids, “No one else is supposed to understand your calling, it wasn’t a conference call.” I’ve unknowingly been living by this motto since the day I decided to leave the 252 and do what I felt was best for me over the last 9 years.
The reality is everybody doesn’t know what’s best for you, only God does. If you're in your 20’s or you’re feeling lost I'd advise you to sit with where you’re at in life, and consider what you want or who you want to be, if other people’s thoughts and opinions weren't a factor.
My lease is ending right before the 2022 holiday season and the plans I have in motion scare the absolute shit out of me. It’s something I’ve never done before, but it’s going to be one of those times that I got to do this for me. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I have to block out the noise and follow my dreams.
“The woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. Choose her over everything.”
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