“Your 20’s are your selfish years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible” - Kyoko Escamila
I tell y’all all the time how much I’ve hated my 20’s. It's been a lot of lit memories, traveling, and fire ass sex, but it's been a lot of mental suffering, tears, growing pains, struggling financially, and overall just not being happy and fulfilled. Whoever painted the 20’s out to be a fun time, lied..real bad. It’s been fun moments but overall the 20’s are ghetto in my opinion.
I’m a few weeks away from turning 27, and I have a lot of regrets and things I wish I could’ve changed over the years, and granted hindsight is 20/20. However those years are gone and all I can do is spread my knowledge and keep growing from the bullshit. Here’s some advice and things I wish I would’ve known a few years ago.
Embrace change. For most people change is hard and change involves getting out of your comfort zone. If you want to be great you can’t do it by staying stagnant. I will admit change creates fear as you don’t know what’s next or what to expect, but 9 times out of 10 change will move you towards becoming the person you want to be and who God called you to be.
Find a healthy balance between having funds and having fun. One day your going to wake up and wish you had all the money you blew on stupid shit. It’s okay to splurge sometimes, but baby if I could get one more refund check I swear I’d invest it instead of buying bundles. Life after college or life after getting real bills will hit you hard which is why older people have always said save for a rainy day. Trust me the rainy days will come and it’ll be a lot easier to weather the storm if you're prepared. It’s also necessary to have fun because I don’t believe God put us here to just pay bills and die. However, don’t get so caught up in having fun that you let your goals and bills fall by the wayside. I’m currently working on being more financially responsible and reading books about money. Your financial choices in your early 20’s will determine how hard you have to hustle in your late 20’s or early 30’s.
Don’t worry about somebody’s son. Date and have fun. Don’t worry about when you're going to get married and have kids, and don't change yourself for a man. You’ll never be this young again so please don’t spend that time worrying about somebody’s son who’s trying to figure out life too. Focus on becoming the best version of you so when you meet him, you'll be ready. Ages 21-25 is relatively young to consume yourself with finding a man or allowing a relationship to dictate your life and emotions. Sometimes I wish I could go back to 2013, and give dating the bare minimum and remain a virgin.
Failure is a blessing. Becoming okay with failure is a game changer because the reality is everything you do may not work out, but you can’t spend your life not doing things because it might not go as planned. Try it and if you fail at least you tried, most people don’t even try. Also if you fail you'll learn a lesson and go into the next experience with more knowledge. My biggest failure is grad school. It’s been 6 years since I started my first master’s program. Will I finish, maybe/maybe? Most people don’t get a masters degree until their late 30’s or early 40’s.
Travel as often as you can. I’m so grateful I’ve had the pleasure of traveling since I was 19 and the opportunity to study abroad in Spain. Traveling expands your mind and allows you to experience other cultures. It’s also a great coping mechanism for mental health issues and it helps some people face their fears. There’s so much more to life than the city you were born and raised in. Get a passport and go, whether it’s solo or with your friends. Traveling within the states is fun too.
Become okay with letting go and moving on. I used to struggle with this concept. It’s okay to let go of friends, that job, that man, your hair, etc. Letting go creates room for something better to come along and it’s okay to be sad or emotional about letting go. I cried a lot when it was time to let go of certain things and certain relationships.
Find a therapist. How I ended up in therapy is sad, but I’m grateful that my momma had the strength to tell me I needed one after I expressed interest in dying five years ago. The 20’s are hard and having a therapist is a safe haven. Therapy isn’t just for people with issues, it's a free space to talk about anything and everything without being judged. You spend money on everything else, why not invest in your mental health and well-being.
Find a hobby. Life gets hard, you lose friends, you start wondering who you are, and so much more. So having a hobby is a great coping mechanism and an outlet when life becomes too much.
Give yourself grace, you have time. I’m still struggling with this one. Life is not a race it’s a marathon and realistically your 20’s is just the beginning. You don’t have to have life figured out by 25 or 30 and contrary to social media standards everybody figures out life at different ages. Everybody in their 20’s and even 30’s should follow Gary Vee. He talks a lot about not putting an age and time limit on life and reaching certain achievements.
Know who you are and who you want to be. Knowing these 2 things will save you from falling into the social media trends and getting caught up in other people's opinions of you. Social media is a facade and if you don’t know who you are you'll find yourself doing shit that’s not you. Also 90% of other people’s opinions aren’t valid and nobody has life figured out in their 20’s which is why listening to other people’s opinion (unless it’s from a sound minded older person) is nonsense. Lastly, know who you are outside of having a job/career and your role in other people’s lives. There’s deeper depths to people outside of how they make money and what part they play in other people’s world. Embrace who you are, manifest the life you want, and watch God do his thing.
To wrap it up, the woman I wanted to be at 25 is coming to life at 27, and although I’ve always dreaded getting older I’m going to embrace it, because I can’t stop myself from aging and with age comes wisdom.
Unfortunately, there’s no secret code to surviving your 20’s, which is why I highly suggest you seek therapy, pray if you believe in God, and save as much money as you can. Buckle up and prepare for the ride, SZA wasn’t lying when she said “God bless these 20’s somethings”.
“I think between age 21-29 is a phase of hustle, suffering and smiling, toiling depression, over-thinking, and wondering whether you’ll achieve your goals or make it in life. 90’s babies hope y’all alright, it will be okay someday, don’t lose hope.”
Life update: Please pray for me. I thought I’d be having a hot girl summer but I’ve cried so much about my health issues and other things that've been going on. On a positive note, I have a different type of love for everybody who’s supported my writing endeavors and if you love somebody please tell them and do right by them. Tomorrow isn’t possible and I’m doing my best to live life like everyday is my last because in reality with all my health issues I really wonder sometimes how long I’m going to be here. My energy and spirit has been way off this summer but I’m dedicating the next few weeks to making peace with certain things. Some of my friends may read this, but don’t call me. It’s been a lot to process and writing through my blog is my way of dealing with certain things.
No promo this time but here's a playlist I've created for when life gets hard