Disclaimer: Being labeled a hoe and being a city girl are two different things.
“If I could do it all again I would give like ten percent” - SZA
If I could go back I would be a virgin again. The bullshit that comes along with dating and the emotional toll of getting your spirit & mental intertwined with somebody else is overwhelming, sadden, and straight up draining sometimes. If you're still a virgin please wait until you're married, found a great partner, or you're at least 21 when you're more aware & conscious of your actions and decisions. Sex is for grown people, meaning outside the euphoric feelings in that moment, sex creates babies and spreads STDs. If your not responsible enough to use preventative measures or you don’t believe in abortions you should think before having sex.
Now, despite everything I just said somehow most millennials including me are still sexually active. Outside of being active thanks to social media and the city girls culture some females feel like being a hoe or a city girl is the only way to win or co-exist within the dating scene and overly sexualized society. Even Jazmine Sullivan stated “And I ain't wanna be, but you gon' make a hoe out of me.” (I know she wasn’t literally talking about herself) In my opinion there's a difference between city girls and hoes. City girls are about their bag and hoes just be fucking to be fucking. No matter how you view it, you don’t have to succumb to the hoe or city girl lifestyle and before you join the “winning team” you have to understand that that lifestyle is taxing and isn’t for everybody.
Here’s some questions and thoughts that you should consider
What will you gain from being a hoe or a city girl? Be completely honest with yourself and realistically everybody doesn't end up being an IG baddie or a rapper's baby mama.
Why are you doing this? Some females do it because somebody’s son hurt them and some females do it because they’ve been sexually abused. Dig deep and figure out the reason before you end up biting off more than you can chew.
Are you emotionally stable? You can’t be having sex for the fun or talking about getting a bag from a nigga yet your ready to cry or get emotional invested in somebody’s son. Do you think when the blogs posted Diddy with another female that Caresha was crying. I’m sure sis was calculating how big of a bag Diddy was about to blow at the mall or on her birthday trip.
Are you okay with sharing? When a man isn’t committed to you (sometimes even when he is committed) 9 times out of 10, he’s seeing other bitches. If him being with other bitches is going to be a problem then being a city girl or a hoe isn’t for you.
Be clear on your expectations. If your just fucking to be fucking, make that clear. If you want the shoes, bags, etc. make that clear. Setting out to be a city girl and still fumbling the bag or situation defeats the purpose of living that lifestyle. If you're going to be a city girl, be smart and if you're going to be a hoe please use condoms or get on birth control. Ending up with an incurable STD or on paternity court is ghetto and I don't recommend it.
Do you want to be a city girl or a spoiled girlfriend? Being a city girl doesn’t guarantee love, affection, etc. A lot of females want to be the spoiled girlfriend but in most cases that guy doesn’t want a relationship so they'll settle for whatever they can get from him. If you want to be a spoiled gf you need to date and entertain men who want the same thing sis.
Me and one of my best friends talk about being city girls all the time and from what I've seen on social media a lot of girls desire that lifestyle. I've been in certain situations where I could’ve done some city girl shit but that’s not me. I could've easily taken my ex back, got him to get me a dog, and take me to Jamaica to only leave his ass again, but I didn't see no point in spending my time and energy on that. When it comes to my mental health I can’t justify fucking with a nigga longer than I want to, and I can’t fuck with a nigga knowing he's entertaining multiple bitches. Another female is one thing but a nigga thinking that I'm going to be apart of his rotation is a definite no for me.
Be a hoe if you feel it in your spirit.
Be a city girl and run it up if you want to.
Be a good girl and wait for the right man.
Be whoever you want to be when it comes to the dating scene but move smartly and be okay with whatever decision(s) you make because it’s your body and your life.
'But at the end of the day. Even if you don't really want me, I know you gon' want that.
In one way it's empowering, in another it's, it's sad. I feel moments of sadness knowing that, you know. Just me alone and who I am is not enough'
- Amanda's Tale from Heaux Tales
PS: Next week we’re going to talk about if having a hoe phase necessary.
This week's promo is Sweet Cookie Wash which is a black owned feminine hygiene products. All of these products have no chemicals and they’re great for keeping your cookie clean and smelling fresh. I love the cookie wash and cookie oil. Visit https://sweetcookies.org and use referral code ERICANICOLEXO. If your going to be a city girl or hoe please take care of your lady parts.