Updated: Apr 24, 2020
“Ooo girl when do I get to met him?”- Several of my friends have said this.
“Why can’t I met this young man yet” - My daddy
“Why are you keeping him away from everybody?”- Too many people have said this
A simple answer to the statements & questions above is I’m not ready. I’m not ready for people to question if we’re going to get married and have kids. I’m at the age where people assume the person you're with is the one you're going to be with for life which 9 times out of 10 fuels the fire of questions and pressure to get married and have kids. Just to clarify, I want to be a wife, maybe even his wife one day and have his babies but I’m not ready for that right now.
I’m not ready for people’s commentary on us. Whether my friends or family want to admit it they’re overprotective and I don’t need that from them right now. I also don’t need outsiders especially the people on social media projecting their thoughts and unwarranted judgements. At times I’ve contemplated sharing a picture of us but I’m lowkey sensitive and I’m real enough to say I can’t handle people commenting on something that they barely know about. For all I know people won’t see him until we’re engaged if things go that far. I’m a firm believer that a private life is a happy life especially when it comes to social media. People can’t ruin what they don’t know.
Most of all I’m not ready for the people in my life to have to detach themselves from him if things don’t work out. I know from experience what it’s like to bond with each other's families and once the relationship falls apart you realize you have to let go of the great people you met through them as well or at least that’s how it goes when I part ways with somebody. Until I know it’s a forever thing I prefer to keep the people I love separate from our union.
On a positive note it’s been a year since I met him. In my world one year is a long time. I tend to get annoyed with men and their stupid shit quickly but so far he’s different. Here’s how we meet..One of my friends talked me into doing something I always said I’d never do again which is get on Tinder. One Saturday night she helped me make a profile and I only agreed because I felt like having fun and meeting some interesting people who’d probably make me laugh. Within 24 hours of having the app I matched with him and we started communicating. 3 days later we went on our first date and it’s been history ever since.
However, I don’t know if he’s the one and for the first time since I started dating at 15, I’m not obsessed with figuring out if he’s the one and I’m not on Pinterest planning a wedding. I’m content for now and that’s all that matters. I’m getting to know him and vice versa, even psychology studies have shown that it takes 2 to 3 years of knowing somebody before you can say you know who they are. The older I get the more I believe in this. There’s depths to knowing somebody from their love language, to their dating history to their worst fears to childhood traumas and so much more. Everything takes time and dating somebody especially if you desire to marry them is a process and I’m not rushing it.
In light of not rushing things I noticed over the last few months I start to feel anxious when people bring up relationships and marriage. In a way I’m scared of getting married and when I think about why I feel like I’m going to cry and I hate tears. Hopefully during my next therapy session I can finally address this issue, honestly it’s time.
On another note, I saw a clip on The Real a few years ago where Tamar explained how females need to stop thinking every guy they date is the one and this statement changed my perspective on dating. I had a habit of thinking every guy could be the one when some of them weren't shit from day one. How do you turn a drug dealer into Russel Wilson (yeah I used to deal with a plug ahahaha)..newsflash you don’t, but you live and you learn. This is my mindset now, that he could be the one but I have to make sure I’ll be okay mentally and emotionally if he’s not the one. In the past love has consumed me in an unhealthy way and this time around I want things to be different and so far it’s been a different experience.
Some people will never understand my current mindset and that’s okay. Some people will continue to ask when they’ll meet him and I’ll continue to say no until I’m ready. I don’t know what the future holds for us but my favorite thing to say about him is I like having him around and maybe he’ll be around forever.
"You tell me when I am being an arrogant S.O.B and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate then you’re back doing the next pain in the ass thing. So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard, We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you forever you and me every day."
- Noah, The Notebook