Disclaimer: I’m choosing to share this because like anything else I’ve shared I hope somebody can grow & learn from my own experiences, plus April is sexual assault awareness month. I also have my momma permission to share this. If you've been sexually assaulted or abused please proceed with caution. I'm not sure what the outcome of sharing this moment will be but here we go...
"What happens in this house, stays in this house, and that's the problem."
Every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted, and every 9 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 25 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison (Rainn, 2021).
To make a long story short I was sexually assaulted as a kid & I pushed that memory away until I was 21. An awful assault situation happened between 2 kids at my job at the time (April 2017) & that situation unlocked my childhood memory. Repressed memories are real & I spent the next 3 years wondering if this memory was true. I often told myself even if it’s true it doesn't affect me so there’s no need to think or talk about it. It was until I was reading an urban fiction series where the character was assaulted as a child that I realized how much that incident impacted me. I swear y’all this character was just like me. She doesn’t trust men. She was very controlling and in denial about the incident. She acts like people are disposable and she was also nonchalant & doesn’t like surprises. All of these characteristics are the epitome of me.
Fast forward a few months (May 2020) later, I watched a clip from the Simone Biles interview. She talked about her repressed memory which led to her finally breaking down, and telling her mom what happened with the gym coach. That night I wrote out what happened to me & I cried so bad. I knew then that I needed to talk about it in therapy & 2 years later I’m still talking about it.
Thanks to my therapist and 2 other best friends I mailed my mom a letter earlier this year & I told her what I wish I would’ve told her over 22 years ago. My momma cried which made me cry and she promised me that I was going to be okay. Hearing that from my momma was the last step of my healing process.
At first talking about it felt embarrassing and for some odd reason I thought my momma was going to be mad at me. Thanks to my guy best friend who reminded me that there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I couldn't control what happened then, but I can control how I'm going to move forward, love myself more, and not allow that situation to impact my next relationship.
17 years for this memory to resurface.
20 years to acknowledge the incident and bring it up in therapy.
22 years to tell my mom.
Don’t let nobody silence you & if your hurting seek professional help.
And shoutout to the #metoomovement for giving women a voice and a safe community to depend on.
I truly believe there’s freedom and healing in speaking your truth. The longer you put off hurtful childhood memories the longer you prolong your growth. Too many people are suffering as adults because they’re battling with childhood issues and trauma. I’m learning to make peace with the situation and seriously y’all I’m okay.
I'm not sure why this issue is taboo in the black community, but it should be talked about more often so we can heal, grow, and be better as a culture and community. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I hope somebody finds light, love, & seeks healing after hearing my story.
In the words of Monique, I love y’all for real. To my family and friends who may read this please do not text or call me nor my parents about this post, I'm fine and I’m healing.
Sidenote: Find coping mechanisms and don't expect people to tip toe around your traumas. Life has to go on which is why healing and figuring out how to cope with the situation is very important. One trigger for me is when celebrities are accused of assault. It pisses me off that people assume the victim is lying and some people's views/opinions regarding sexual assualt is hurtful. I've learned to log off of social media for the day and chose peace.
"Life can make you bitter if you don’t pray, go to therapy or find some way to cope with whatever happened to you"
References & Resources
This weeks promo is a journal I brought a few months ago. It's been very helpful and it gives me a safe space outside of therapy to release and be honest about certain things.