There's beauty in the struggle: My story pt. 3
“Forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now.” - Maya Angelou
If you’ve been reading my blog or follow me on social media then you know these damn 20’s have been a struggle. My last story update was August 2018 and a lot has happened since then. August 2018 I turned 23. I finally got a new job and I decided I wanted to self publish the book I’d been writing since Oct. 2017... I thought life was going to get better...
So I had a better paying job but I was still crying a lot because this new job was stressful as hell, I had cut off somebody who was my best friend for 4 years, & I still had a strained relationship with another best friend. On top of that I was financing my book career which caused me to start skipping credit cards payments while still struggling to cope with anxiety. To add fuel to the fire I had signed a publishing contract, I was on & off with remaining active in grad school, & I still wasn't happy with where I was in life. Not to mention my apartment was robbed in Dec. 2018. Honestly, nobody but my momma and maybe Tee knew half the shit I was going through. I would cry in the shower or closet & once I got around my friends & family I’d pretend like everything was fine. Lastly at 23, I got a colonoscopy done in Sept. 2018 & I was diagnosed with colitis which finally explained the sickness I'd endured since Jan. 2018. It’s a lifelong inflammatory bowel disease which causes gastrointestinal issues, bloating, & vomiting whenever I’m having a flare up. As you can see I didn’t make the best decisions at 23 and a lot of shenanigans was going on.
July 2019 I got the job I’m at now and I was finally making enough to afford who I really am ahaha. I turned 24 on August 23rd and Sept. 2019 was a game changer. I put the publishing contract on hold & later got it voided (Indie author for life). I put writing my next book on pause & also went inactive with grad school. I knew if I wanted to give school & writing my all I needed to get out of credit card debt & fix my credit score. I also knew at 24, if I wanted this chapter of my life to be different than the last I 2 years that it was time to do something different. I prayed & manifested how I was going to get out of debt, transfer grad programs, & figure out how I’m going to move forward with my writing career.
I started waiting tables from Oct. 2019 to March 2020 & I managed to pay off $5,000 which took care of most of my debt, 2 medical bills, & raised my credit score up by 120 points. Balancing two jobs was tough but I did it. On April 28, 2020 I got my acceptance letter from NCAT. I can officially say AGGIE PRIDE! I’m also in a better mental space to start writing again. Everything I manifested & prayed for is coming true in the mist of a pandemic.
After 2 years & 9 months the rain has let up & I feel like this dark cloud over my life is gone. This feeling feels too good to be true sometimes. I'm not crying every other day. I’m not financially stressed anymore. I’m going to an HBCU & I'm a dope black therapist in the making. I’m going to be an Amazon best seller within the next year. I’m still in therapy which has helped me tremendously. I just became a godmother again, and I’m managing the colitis and not getting sick that often.
J. Cole was right when he said “it’s beauty in the struggle”. Although I hated my life at one point, somewhere along the way I built character and strength over the years and my relationship with God is 10 times better. I cried so many tears and had so many dark days from July 2017 to July 2019 but by the grace of God I survived it all. I have three more goals to manifest & fulfil by my 25th birthday and if it's Gods will it’s going to get done.
Like always some people will be surprised by what I said but keep in mind nobody but my mom & maybe Tee knew most of this. I'm a private person and I can’t handle everybody’s commentary. I’m also the type of person that needs a resolution if I'm having a problem(s) & unless you can help me with that I don’t see the need to talk to you about my problems. I decided to share my truth now because from the outside looking in most people think I’m bougie and I have it all together when that’s far from the truth. No matter who you are adulthood is a journey and growing pains are real. I often pray that my life lessons can inspire others to pray, re-evaluate some things, and remind my generation that we all go through it but at some point you get through it. God bless these 20's something.
“Sis, you've mastered survival mode, now it's time to start living."