Updated: Jun 28
Disclaimer: Don’t debate me, debate your muva.
“Life truly begins when you put your house in order.” - Marie Kondo
I’m truly shocked at the outrage from what Kierra Sheard said in a recent interview. If you haven’t seen the viral clip she stated as a married woman she doesn’t let her friends stay at her house. She also mentioned that she prays for discernment and she would help her friend get a hotel. I completely agree with everything that she said. This scenario is another reminder that everybody was raised differently. Let’s get into why my homegirls, his homeboys, and even some of my family will never be allowed to stay with me, especially after I say “I Do”.
My house, my rules. Until you're paying that person’s bill you have no say so on how they're running their household.
It’s about boundaries. Everybody and every relationship has different boundaries. For her, myself, and other like minded women we’re establishing a boundary between our man and our friendships. Personally, I’ve always kept my friends and my dating life separate. None of my friends have met or interacted with anybody I've dated since 2015. In my opinion it’s healthy to have that separation and not allow either relationship to affect the other relationship. Also the more you bring people around your man the more comfortable they feel with inserting their opinions and everybody knows I don’t give two fucks what you think about my significant other.
It’s easy to let people stay but it’s hard to get them to leave. In my hometown and within my own parent’s home I've seen how somebody staying a few nights turns into them overstaying their welcome. To avoid me having to put somebody out I’d rather not let them stay with me at all.
Betrayal always comes from the people closest to you. No matter how much you trust somebody, don't be a fool. Every female knows which friend can’t be trusted just like every nigga knows which homeboy will smash his girl if he could. I know you’re thinking that that is not a real friend, but to me there’s levels to friendships, and I’m friends with people for different reasons. Just because I love you and you're my party friend doesn’t mean you're automatically a friend that could be around my man and walking around my house. Some of my friends have never been to my apartment, but that doesn’t mean I look at them as less than a friend. Once again it’s all about boundaries and the same thing goes for family as well. Keep in mind what went down on Soul Food & The Player’s club and Kierra mentioned that using discernment is a key factor in letting a friend stay or not.
The hotel is a great offer. Some people felt like she was being a bad friend but she was financially offering to assist the friend with shelter. At the end of the day beggars can’t be choosers.
After a certain age why do you need to keep going to somebody else's house? Sorry not sorry as I'm getting older I don't understand house hopping or conveniently thinking if things fall through with your man/girl or your living situation that you can use somebody else’s house as an option. If you’ve ever watched the TV show Girlfriends then you know Joan’s house was the place to be whether you're homeless, going through a divorce, etc. Joan had her ways but her friends always being at house affected her dating life and all of her friendships lacked boundaries.
Your home is sacred. I believe in spirits and some spirits can’t dwell in my household. I love certain friends and family members but the shit that they are having going on in their lives would bring bad spirits and vibes and I’m not doing that.
Third parties are a no go. She’s not insecure, she’s moving smartly. From the marriages I’ve observed and within my own romantic experiences I’ve noticed that the relationship is better without a third party. The third party could be a friend, his overbearing mom, your over protective dad, or entertaining the threesome business. And from a religious aspect, God designed marriage to include a man and a woman, not all these extra people.
To wrap it up, whether I’m married or not I don't play about people coming to stay at my house, and any friend or family member who has an issue with me saying once I’m married you can’t stay with me needs to prepare to lose me as a friend or family member. I value marriage and my mindset is to get married and stay married. In my opinion, part of maintaining a healthy marriage is having boundaries with your friends and family.
At the end of the day you don’t have to agree with me nor Kierra. The fact still remains that it’s her marriage, her house, her rules and it behooves me how most people that disagree with her aren’t married, never been married, or seen a successful marriage.
"You are allowed to set boundaries and you are allowed to wave bye bye to anyone who doesn’t respect them.”
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