Disclaimer: If you're not happy with the fact that you had kids or got married then this post will likely offend you.
"Ladies, the secret to clear skin is not letting someone's dusty ass son stress you out."
Sometimes I wonder where did God go wrong with some of his people...
Earlier this year (Jan. 2023) a podcast episode was going viral on Tiktok when a black male cohost said "The rich auntie is an excuse for a woman that's not ready for responsibility or commitment." Of course the Tiktok girlies read his ass down, and magically this clip and that podcast episode disappeared.
Fast forward to now (March 2023) another black queen is trending after a social media user stated "Being a fine 42 year old with no kids and nobody wanna marry you is not a flex." The person they're referring to is Ashanti. She's been in the game for over 20 years, and she's managed to remain relevant and unproblematic. Her body is killing these hoes and she's very booked and busy. She's travel mami and travel goals in my opinion. Two of her exes are still checking for her and both of them haven't fucked with her in over a decade. Lastly, she's the epitome of a classy bad ass, need I say more. Good sis is that girl, and how people find an issue with her lifestyle and how other women like her chose to live is beyond me.
Ashanti as well as other black women like Sanaa Lanthan, Regina Hall, Trace Ellis Ross, etc. embodies the "rich auntie" label. For clarity purposes urban dictionary defines the rich auntie as the aunt in the family who has a good career, is humble.. yet bougie. Usually has no kids, but shows up to the family functions showing love, very chill, with a cocktail in her hand and planning her next vacation between moments of silence.
There's normally a rich auntie in every family and according to this definition and other people's commentary I'm the soon to be rich auntie on both sides of my family. I say soon to be because I'm already an auntie and the money is going to be going crazy by the time I'm thirty.
Anywho, let's get discuss some of the negative commentary and debunk the stigma behind the rich auntie.
Y'all are too invested in other people's lives. This tweet was unwarranted and unnecessary. Ashanti was on a paid vacation posting thirsty traps yet this user is worried about the wrong things. Go touch grass and stop worrying about people and things that aren't worried about you. From a social media standpoint Ashanti is good.
A woman's worth isn't tied to marriage, a man, or kids. Women have evolved and gained so many rights over the last 50 years. We have other options now besides being somebody's wife or mother. Those two titles don't dictate a woman's worth.
A lot of y'all should've waited to get married and have kids. A lot of people especially in the black community were financially broke or in a broken relationship when they decided to have a baby or get married which makes no sense and contributes to the downfall of our community.
What if she's in a relationship or married but doesn't post it. Issa Rae surprised everybody with a wedding photo and I was in a whole relationship for over a year and nobody knew except for my offline circle and I didn't bring up to y'all either until we reached the year mark. Some women even the rich aunties are dating in real life and they don't have to share that with social media users.
What if she CAN'T have kids? I do know from an interview she did with Angie Martinez last year that she wants to have kids one day but what if she's tried already and she hasn't been successful yet. Some women have infertility issues and assuming that they can have a kid is rude and hurtful towards any woman who wants kids but can't reproduce one. I have PCOS which is one of the leading causes of infertility and the reality is if I want kids one day it's a 50% chance that I can't naturally have one.
What if she DOESN'T want kids? Some women don't desire motherhood, and some women have had kids knowing they didn't want them and they contributed to their child being traumatized. A lot of black girls have negative relationships with their moms because their mother never wanted them or their sons are forced to be the man of the house by the age of 5. Honestly, if I ever slip up and got pregnant before I'm ready to be a mother, best believe I'm sending that embryo back to God. Everybody isn't built for motherhood.
Men are embarrassing. The amount of married men that are on dating apps and in single women's DMs is ridiculous. Bragging about being married isn't the flex that people think it is.
The rich auntie is who some family members wanted to be. I think a lot of family members are low-key jealous of the auntie who knew what she wanted out of life and decided to go for it.
Rich aunties aren't the villains. The amount of black movies and shows that paint the rich auntie as the villain is crazy. Mary Jane Paul from Being Mary Jane and Terry from Soul Food are two examples of aunties who were made out to be the villains yet they're carrying the weight of their family issues and financial problems on their backs. Without the rich aunties a lot of black families and communities would've been crumbled.
Selfish. Arguably deciding to say no to marriage and kids can be deemed as selfish. However there's nothing wrong with wanting to collect more passport stamps over buying pampers or choosing to carry your shopping bags to the car over pushing a baby scroller. Having a selfish girl era is necessary whether it's for a season or a lifetime.
Misogyny. Disliking the rich auntie is a form of misogyny and it's giving that men, some women, and society in general are upset that they can't control women anymore especially black women.
Women are single by choice, getting a man is easy. It's nut that some people believe that Ashanti and other rich aunties can't get a man. Baby getting a man is too easy, just go to the gas station, Walmart, or respond to a DM then boom you got a new nigga. Don't get it twisted rich aunties chose to be single and if they're actively dating they are dating men of a certain caliber which isn't the everyday man who's hating on them or speaking on a podcast platform.
As you can tell I love Ashanti and I'm for more women deciding to be the rich auntie. Although I'm not sure if I want to be the rich auntie since I already have 3 godsons and 3 great nephews or if I want to be a married boss bitch with a kid or two, she's the blueprint nonetheless for any young girl or maturing woman who's committed to living life on their terms and not letting society rush them into anything.
Honesty moment, I've decided until I go on an eat pray love journey nobody son or anybody else walking this earth should expect a kid or marriage from me. I love this Youtube episode from All Things Adrienne where she talked about how she went to Paris for the summer for a study abroad opportunity, and this trip helped her end her engagement and be honest with herself regarding where she was at in life and where she wanted to be in the future.
I shared this story about Adrienne because she was the rich auntie for years until she got married and had a son, which may also be me one day. So it's possible to play the role of the rich auntie and transition into motherhood if that what you desire too. Be Ashanti, be Adrienne, be whatever type of woman you want to be but don't let society or nobody's dusty ass son make you feel bad or question your worth if you decide to be the rich auntie.
"The woman you are becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. Choose her over everything."
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