Loving the wrong man

I recently saw the movie Acrimony and it was great. This movie really touched on a few things. 1) A female relies too much on a man's potential.

2) Stop doing too much for a man.

3) Never let a man or another female get you out of character.

During and after the movie I could relate to how Melinda felt, which sadden me. While I was in college I dated this guy for a year and till this day that was the worst and most unhealthy relationship I've been in. The first five months of the relationship was great, then I found out he was cheating on me. I went the hell off. I wanted to slash his tires but my mom reminded me that she didn't have money to bail me out of jail lol. Like a fool, we got back together but the cheating and arguments never stopped. We broke up and got back together so many times it was ridiculous. I went from being a happy college girl to feeling depressed. I was always crying over the stupid shit he was doing. I got physically violent with him a few times and I was a bitch to my friends. After a few more months of this madness I grew tired of seeing the potential in him. I was tired of getting out of character and being a person I never wanted to be. After ten months of being with him we went on a long term break for a few weeks. I was happy, yet I missed him. We got back cool, but guess what?? This nigga cheats again, but this time it had consequences that I wasn't prepared to deal with. After a year of putting up with his shit that last time truly became the last time. I must admit that he was wrong for all the pain he caused me, but I was no better for tolerating it for a year. Granted I was young when this relationship happened but I'm grateful it happened though, because I learned a lot about myself as well as all the qualities I never want in a man.

"When people show you who they are believe them the first time" - Maya Angelou

Let's talk about potential. As women we always see the potential in a man. If he could get a job then we could be a power couple. If he could stop cheating then we could be a real family. You get the point that if a man would do this, that, & the third, then things would get better. However, with potential that man has to see it for himself. It's nice that you believe in him but always remember potential is just that potential. It's a possibility that things may happen, but it's also a reminder that whatever your hoping for may not happen. Stop relying on potential and start paying attention to actions. For example, my ex-boyfriend said he was done cheating on me. Potentially that could of happened but action wise he continued to do the same thing. His actions showed me that he didn't plan to stop being an asshole any time soon.

My generation has created a word called situationships, which basically means acting like a couple without the title of being a couple. A lot of females find themselves in these type of relationships and get mad at a man for doing everything for him without a committment, yet he'll say but "Your not my girlfriend" or "Your not my wife". In the movie you'll Melinda did a lot for her man long before he became her husband. I said this to say that females need to stop doing the most for a man until he gives you a title. Also, after you have a title you still need to have boundaries for your relationship because men will use you if you allow them to. I'm not bashing men, but I'm saying you need to stay woke sis.

Lastly, NEVER let people take you out of your element. Melinda as well as many other females including myself allow the actions of a man to get you upset, acting crazy, fighting other females, etc. The minute you find yourself being a person you never wanted to be because of somebody else's action, you need to reevaluate if you need this relationship with that person. For example, with my ex I went from being so happy to angry and wanting to fight. I should've been done with him the minute my character changed because of his actions. Also, never allow a man to have that kind of power over you. Self control is everything.

If you haven't seen the movie yet go watch it. It may step on your toes if you've done some of the things that she's did, but it's an great eye-opener to see what you never want your relationship with a man to turn out to be.