"Find you a man who will love you like Noah loves Allie."
My dating life has always been interesting and I can't believe I've never dedicated a post to one of my college boyfriends who had the fucking audacity to ask me to marry him not once but numerous times... let's get into this story-time.
In 2013, I was a second semester freshman in college & working at a restaurant which is when I met somebody's son. He took an interest in me (he was fine as hell), we exchanged numbers, and went on a date. The date was cool but I caught him looking at the waitress which rubbed me the wrong way( first red flag). He wanted to spend some more time with me but after we ate I curved him and went on about my business.
I kid you not for the next six months he kept reaching out to me and I kept curving him and half the time I was avoiding his phone calls. April 2014, I cut off the dude I was entertaining (chile he was my first & only bum) and I went on another date with him. We started vibin' & I stayed in contact with him while I was back home for the summer, to the point that I came to Greensboro one Sunday in July 2014 to see him. Around this time it's going into a year of knowing him and he started constantly asking me to be his girlfriend. Something about him made me hesitate (that female intuition) and to everybody else he seemed perfect. He had a great job as a truck driver (making some bands), took care of his family, had his own place & car, and he didn't have any kids. I finally caved in and decided to be his girl. He suggested I move in with him to save on tuition and I didn't have to go back to work if I didn't want to. Ideally moving in with him would've saved me $6k on room & board and he was on the road a lot so it's not like he would've been home every night, but my momma wasn't having that shit. At this point we'd only been official for like 3 weeks and he was ready to do the most. I kept telling him I'd think about it whenever he'd pressed the move in issue and within another week or two week we had the first of many arguments about a female friend he was always hanging out with that I didn't approve of. I got even by going to breakfast with my high school ex-bf which pissed him off, but he now understood why I wasn't a fan of that female friend & he stopped hanging with her to my knowledge at the time.
We got pass our first major argument and I came back to Greensboro for my sophomore year mid August 2014. From my day trip in July until the week of my birthday he'd been on the road stacking funds and he was planning to be home my first few weeks back in the city. He did it up for my birthday week. We had sex for the first time and it was on & popping after that lol. He took me out to dinner every night, we went shopping, he expressed how much he loved me, and I met his mother. The relationship was damn near couple goals at that time until October 2014.
So I decided to switch birth control from the IUD back to the pill and like a dumbass I had sex before the 30 day mark of being back on the pill. I had a pregnancy scare and we weren't on the same page about keeping (his decision) or dismissing (my decision) the potential baby. Thankfully my cycle started, but this scare peaked his interest in having kids and getting married. He started mentioning kids which was the stupidest idea at the time. I'm 19 and in the mist of getting my first degree and getting lit with my friends.
Shortly, after this scare we were at Ruby Tuesday eating when we started disagreeing about the baby biz and I mentioned how I wanted to finish school and get married first. This damn son pops off with "Marry me. We can get married whenever you want," while he's holding my hand. I laughed and thought he was playing but this motherfucker was serious as hell. On and off for the remainder of the relationship he kept asking me to marry him and start a family. From the outside looking in beside me being young he looked like the perfect man to marry. He was making more than enough money to take care of me. He had two cars, no kids, own place, and unlike many of men he wanted to be a family man. Sounds too good to be true... that's because it was too good to be true.
Along with many great qualities he was a cheater, possessive, and we both participated in the relationship turning abusive. The first time I found out he was cheating was around the same time as the pregnancy scare and marriage proposal. I needed to use his phone to call my momma since my phone was dead & curiosity got the best of me so I went through his messages. The saying "if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it" is too true. I found more than enough inappropriate text messages which led to me swinging on his ass multiple times and he tried to make me stay at his place by refusing to let me leave. We were so loud that the neighbors got involved and threaten to call the police so I got in my whip and dipped. At this point I should've been done with his ass and physical violence no matter which gender initiates it is not okay.
We broke up and he tried using gifts and money to win me back but I wasn't studding none of that shit. To make a long story from October 2014 to March 2015 our relationship consisted of him cheating on me, breaking up and blocking him, having some good times, and arguing about kids and getting married. Not mention the possessive shit he would say such as "You'll never find somebody like me" or "No matter what you'll always be mine" and one time he threaten to kill himself if we didn't get back together. Then if I went out with my homegirls I'd lie to him because he'd start tripping. Whewww this son was too much. Side note whenever we were broken up I was seeing a guy friend who knew my situation and he was a great escape from the bullshit.
January 2015, was what I thought would be the turning point of this relationship. After spending the holidays apart, he begged to be back in my life and chile I let him back in. He pulled up on me, we had great sex, & afterwords I literally started crying and asking this man why he was treating me like shit and why wasn't I enough. I would never wish this feeling upon any female. He promised it wasn't my fault and honestly it wasn't. He had so many issues and 90% of his problems stemmed from an inconsistent relationship with his parents and being obligated to take care of his family. He wanted a family of his own, yet he had no clue how to be a better man to get the family he wanted.
To my surprise he sincerely apologized to me for everything he'd put me through and to show he was serious about changing he wanted me to come to a family gathering. The family event was so nice and he was the man I always thought he could be, but this fairytale moment didn't last longer than a month. Old habits resurfaced and dealing with him started to make me depressed. All I did was be in my dorm room, avoid my friends and sometimes skip classes, go to work, watch Grey's, and cry my eyes out.
I went home for spring break (March 2015) and my momma got me together. I hung out with some friends and this trip home brought me out of the depressive state I was in. I came back to GSO and cut him off for the 20th time. I was doing great until he called me towards the end of April 2015. He told me he had ordered the Mayweather fight and his family wanted to see me. Mind you prior to cutting him off I had mentioned to him how much I wanted to watch that fight (manipulative yet strategic tacts). I agreed to go to this event and I brought one of my homegirls with me. Ughhh we rekindled things again and honestly we were good until I left to go to Spain (Summer 2015). Being so far from him along with meeting a new guy via IG who later became my bf gave me the clarity and strength I needed to dead this situation once and for all. I ended the situation May 2015, and due to a fucked up situation that resurfaced due to his cheating ways I spoke to him during July 4th weekend. After everything that's happened between us he had the audacity to ask if we could fix things and he was truly sorry once again for everything he'd put me through and he was going to do better this time. Crazy thing is I felt like he was being honest and genuine about changing. Mind you I ended things in May because I wasn't happy anymore not because he had actually fucked up again. Thanks to prayer, personal growth, & dating somebody new I didn't take him back. Once and for all after dating him for a year things were over.
A little over a year later (Sept. 2016), I saw a message request from him on Facebook & he requested to see me. I agree to met him because I'd already went to therapy and let go of the situation. When we met up we discussed the issues we had and I could tell he was finally the man I always wanted him to be but it was too late. The 19 year old me who was now 21 wasn't going to risk losing myself again. He tried for a few weeks to win me back but I wasn't falling for it. The minute he said "You'll always be my baby no matter what," I decided to block him. It's been 5 years since I've seen or heard from that man.
This relationship is the most toxic love I've ever experienced and I honestly feel like if this awful ass situation wouldn't have happened summer 2015, I would've ended up back with his ass at some point. That relationship had a real bad hold on me and thank God for everybody who prayed me out of that situation. I will say he wasn't a bad person. He had good intentions but he's a good example of a black man with issues that only a therapist and God can begin to heal. Like always I hope somewhere over the years he's spoke to that lady lol.
To any women reading this don't be a rehab center for somebody's son. They need therapy not a relationship (I have a post coming real soon about this) and to any man reading this heal yourself before you ruin somebody's daughter or express interest in having a family.
In the words of Tyra Banks "Learn something from this."
"Get the money first, fall in love later." - The Female Hustler