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Somebody told me I fell off, yeah I needed that

Updated: Apr 19, 2023

Disclaimer: I can't believe I backslid and let 3 weeks go by without posting. This is an accountability post for myself.

"We are literally a week behind. We're 2 weeks behind, but what else is new." - Beyonce

Somewhere between living in survival mode for the later half of 2022, turning 27, and leaving NC made me look at life and myself differently. After reaching the lowest point of my life in December I came into this year saying I wanted it to be different. Initially I was hyped about the new year and I spent the first 2 weeks of January making vision boards and bingo cards, but the hype wore off and when it came down to doing the work I fell off. I took off several weeks from the gym, I didn't complete some of my quarter one goals, and imposter syndrome settled in.

Two things I realized after listening to some audiobooks and evaluating myself during my last therapy session is I need to utilize my time wisely and I can't let the fear of the unknown stop me from doing the task and reaching the goals that plays a part in me becoming that girl. Anxiety is based on fear and it's had a bad hold on me since I was a kid and it's become more noticeable as an adult.

There are times where I want to share a post but I'm scared of the outcome.

I'm so ready to do certain things with my brand such as dropping these digital products but I fear that nobody will buy them since the market is already saturated.

I'm over bartending for other companies and I want my own mobile bar business but what if nobody books me.

The list of what ifs goes on and on to the point that although I have good intentions to get certain things done I'll still here and do nothing because I too afraid of the outcome.

My momma said some real ass shit to me earlier this year which was "With all the things you want to in life, anxiety can't co-exist" and she's right. Some anxiety is normal but I can't be a business owner and every time it's time to make a decision, action plan, or problem solve I get in a tissy. I can't keep saying I want my blog to grow and expand the brand if I stop writing and promoting whenever I'm not in the mood because in real life brands and my reader babes don't always care that I'm not in the mood, they want this content. I can't be a procrastinator when it comes to my business ventures because there's deadlines to met and I'm currently experiencing the disappointment in myself for not finishing and releasing my first digital product. I can't keep having these bad habits and allowing anxiety to hold me back. The reality is that time is passing by everyday. It's almost May and I don't want to show up at chapter 28 or even a month from now being in the same place.

Harold, the author of The Miracle Morning said 95% of the world never reach level ten and I want to be in the 5% and at one point in my life I was in the 5%. I was in the advance classes from 4th grade to senior year. I was taking college course in high school which helped me graduate college a year early. I use to be financial responsible and never let my savings account get below a certain amount. I use to be confident in myself and never made promises to myself that I couldn't keep. I use to be that girl and it's time to get back to it now that I'm in a better state of mind and I made the decision to uproot my entire life and move to Texas.

On the bright side I made some small changes during quarter one which was finishing the Miracle Morning audiobook, minimal alcohol consumption, and a social media sweep where I deleted 300 people from Facebook and unfollowed certain IG accounts such as major blog sites and people I least interact with. I've noticed a positive change in my mental since I did these things. I've also crossed off some boxes on my 2023 bingo card and I'm super proud of a major goal I finished on of April 14th, which is having an emergency fund. The first quarter wasn't a total fumble on my end.

To wrap it up here's five harsh/real truths about life for anyone who feels stagnant or not satisfied with their quality of life.

1. You have the power to change your life. You can't rely on nobody else, but yourself to figure out what brings you peace and happiness. Spend some time soul searching then make a realistic plan to change the things that doesn't align with how you envision your future self. You have to believe in yourself and move accordingly. Everybody else can want better for you but you have to want it for yourself.

2. Daily habits matter. I've been listening to Atomic Habits and most people don't realize that what you do on a day to day bases contributes to where you'll be at in 6 months or 6 years from now. For example, when I lost 20 lbs last year it was my day to day habits of making better food choices and being physically active that led to significant weight loss. I didn't magically lose weight and it took being consistent over time to reach my goal weight. Evaluate your day to day habits and consider utilizing a habit tracker.

3. Discipline over motivation. At the beginning of the year I was motivated, but once that feeling wore off I fell off too. Motivation is a feeling that can change at anytime and moving off a motivation alone isn't enough. Discipline should be your mindset if you want to see long term results. Discipline is doing what needs to be done regardless of how you feel. Discipline is knowing that what you decide to do today will impact tomorrow and so forth. Discipline also goes hand and hand with daily habits.

4. You have to do something different. The saying "If you want something different you have to do something different" is too true. There's no point in continuing to do something that didn't led you to your desire outcome. For example, you can't keep saying I want to save money if you keep having more going out than coming in. You may need to find a better paying job, think of ways to bring in more income, or re-evaluate your spending habits. Continuing to ignore your finances will led to the same ending every time which is lack of money. This is just one of the many examples of how refusing to try something different will keep you stagnant.

5. Be intentional. Time flies by quickly and money comes and goes. Be intentional and mindful of what you do with your time and money. You can't get the time back and it takes money to make money and always remember we live in a capitalist society.

Although I'm disappointed in myself I know I have the skill sets and self-awareness to do better for the rest of the year and remainder of my life. I'm not perfect, I'm going to make mistakes, and I may fall off again unintentionally, but I'm more focused and committed than I've ever been to becoming the girl that I've dreamed of being.

It's time to stop dreaming and start doing the work.

It's time to stop overthinking and release this digital planner.

It's time to stop finding reasons to avoid writing and release this content.

It's time to stop making excuses and find the time to go to the gym 3 hours every week.

Time is passing by and the time to live life and become that girl is now.

I know this journey that I'm on isn't going to be easy because it hasn't been easy thus far and for some reason doing better is more challenging than being on bullshit everyday. To aid me through this process of developing discipline and breaking bad habits I'm listening to audiobooks such as The 12 Week Plan and Atomic Habits, setting realistic daily goals, making an effort to wake up an hour before work, utilizing Sundays as a reset day, and setting up a home office so I can stop being lazy and laying in bed or on the couch all day. I've also taken the extra step during my last therapy session to hold myself accountable by agreeing to getting 2 things done by my next therapy session which is May 6th or we're having a come to Jesus meeting.

Stay tuned for an update in 2 and a half weeks.

"I took a couple you know I took some time off to rest, and now it's game time bitches."

- Nicki Minaj

Make sure you're following me on all social media platforms, I'm going to start posting mini vlogs and my first one is up on Tiktok & IG.

Tiktok: erica_nicolexo

Positive news: Your girl got approved for an Amazon storefront and please checkout my store and shop with me.

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