Sometimes giving up is a blessing
“Knowing when to leave is so important. The party. The Job. The Relationship.”
From my perspective, giving up has always been labeled a bad thing and I’m sure most people have heard the cliche saying “Quitters never win and winners never quit.” I used to believe in this statement until I turned 25. I reached a milestone age and instead of focusing on goals I started the process of evaluating and accepting the current state of my life and embarking on a path of figuring out what I truly wanted which led to me quitting several things that no longer served me justice.
I quit a long term relationship I was in.
I quit my career in the mental health field.
I quit pursuing a degree in counseling.
I quit the supervisor promotion I received once I left the mental health field.
I even briefly quit one of my friendships.
Basically I quit or created space between anything that wasn’t contributing to my happiness.
It’s no secret that I’ve hated most of my 20’s and I felt like everything I envisioned at 25 didn’t happen and what I currently had going on wasn’t making me happy so why not try something new. Oddly enough starting over and trying something new meant letting go of a lot of things. Letting go and accepting change is an ongoing challenge for me, but at that point what else did I have to lose. I already wasn’t happy. What's the worst that could happen?
Love life. I contemplated for four months if it was time to leave that relationship. I’ve invested time and energy and after all “anything worth having is worth fighting for”..which is true until you're tired of fighting. Not feeling wanted and doing everything you can for somebody who’s mentally in a bad place is taxing. So I said fuck it and a month later I flew out to see an old friend and I’ve been at peace with my decision ever since.
Work x School. I worked hard to get my bachelor’s degree and I worked even harder to gain the credentials I had accumulated over the four years I’d spent in the mental health field. I even spent those four years being in and out of school for a counseling degree. When I left my full time job to focus on school I realized I didn’t miss the chaotic parts of that career path and naturally I lost interest in school too. I already quit the job so why not quit the grad program too. I took an interest in a different speciality in psychology and so far I’m loving it. I got accepted into a different grad program and I pray Dec. 2022 I’ll have my masters degree and I'll be done with school once and for all.
Supervisor Promotion. The restaurant job I had after ending my long term career was cool at first but I kept having ongoing conflict with the general manager, the store was severely understaffed, and customers were super nasty. This summer after I had an anxiety attack on work premises I decided to quit. Thankfully I planned ahead and I already had another job. The days of working myself to death was over and quitting this job prompted me to start taking my new career more seriously. After my birthday trip to Miami I started applying for jobs related to my next degree and by the grace of God I was offered a work from home position with more pay then what I’d ever made in the mental health field. I swear this new job is a dream come true. It’s the perfect opportunity to gain experience and skills pertaining to my new career path.
Friendship. Lastly, after me and one of my friends kept having disagreements about my current dating life I decided to let it be. I quit the friendship meaning I wasn’t talking to her and I had no intentions of giving that friendship my energy no time soon. I attempted to make amends because we had a trip planned together, but that didn’t go well and my feelings towards her and the situation remained stagnant. Thanks to my therapist I sent her a text one day in July after being in this weird space for 6 months in hopes of reviving this relationship. We went to brunch to talk and catch up. Slowly, but surely this friendship is improving and I don’t regret quitting that friendship for a few months. Although she said she meant well her unwarranted opinions and commentary really hurt me and I took the necessary time I needed to quit the friendship and I made an effort to mend things when I felt ready too. Hopefully this friendship survives this time...
Although I didn’t have my shit together at 25, I learned so many valuable lessons that year and giving up on some things is one of the lessons I learned. Everything isn’t meant to last forever and some things occurred for a time and a season. I do know life isn’t always going to be filled with happy moments but life isn’t meant for us to be miserable either. I feel like I’m venturing down the path of happiness which is an amazing feeling. However if this new career/job, future relationships/friendships, or anything else becomes stressful or energy draining, best believe I’ll be quitting that too.
Change is a challenge for some people including myself, but now I look at change as an opportunity to grow and learn. I can’t grow and fulfill my destiny without letting go of certain people and certain things. There’s an unknown power in letting go after giving something a fair try and embracing whatever may be next. I often tell myself “what’s to come is better than what’s gone.”
“Peace of mind is the real bag”