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Supposed to be in love?

Updated: Apr 8, 2020

"Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows." - Unknown

It’s been a while since I’ve done a post because I’m working on another project, but I’ve come up with several rants and topics I want to express my feelings on. The first matter is love in my generation.

These last few days I’ve been sad because the ex-love of my life birthday is coming up. Yes, I refer to him as the ex-love of my life because he’s my ex as well as being the love of my life at one point. It’s going to be three years in October since we’ve broken up but a part of me will always love him and think about him from time to time. Since these feelings have resurfaced, several thoughts about love and what it means in my generation has crossed my mind.

First, this generation believes in the expressions of “On to the next one” and “Just get over it”. When my ex and I initially broke up in 2015, I foolishly moved on to the next one. I reacted this way because I wasn’t ready to deal with the hurt and I thought like many other people that getting involved with somebody else would fix the problem. Additionally, numerous people in my life kept telling me to get over it. In the end moving on that quickly made me feel terrible because I still loved him. Furthermore, I had prolonged the necessary evil of being sad, crying, & letting go of our relationship.

A year after the break up, we reconnected. It was great, and I felt like this void I had was

being filled again. Unfortunately, the good vibes didn’t last too long, and we parted ways again. This time around I gave myself a few months of being alone before I started dating again. Spending time alone did me some good. Fast forward to October 2017, a terrible situation happened between me & a guy I was talking to. I reached out to my ex because I started to believe I was the problem within the dating world and he’s somebody that knows me on that level. Shockingly, my ex said he still had love for me & basically he was stupid for letting me go. I was beyond happy to hear this & I admitted that I still loved him too. To wrap up this long story, we loved each other but we just couldn’t seem to get it together. My heart finally had to accept what my mind already knew, that it just wasn't meant to be.

I said all this to say, getting over somebody you truly loved will not be easy. The concept of moving on and acting like your over it will cause you to hurt yourself and the other people you chose to date. Bringing me to my second thought, “Hurt people hurt other people.” If you’re not over your past relationship your bound to pass your hurt along to the next person. Simply because the next person could fall for you or start to take you serious and in time they’ll find out you don’t feel the same way or worst your still not over your ex. Please consider the next person feelings before you start dating again.

My third and final thought is how many people in my generation were really in love? Better yet, how many people were sincerely hurt since they moved on and never took the time to be alone? The answer to this question is still unclear to me. A part of me feels like people weren’t in love or cared for the other person as much as they say that they did because they started dating as if their ex meant nothing to them. However, the other part of me knows just like myself that many people move on to avoid dealing with the hurt. Lastly, after everything that transpired with the ex-love of my life, I’ve become distance towards dating & definitely closed off to wanting to fall in love again because the next go-around I’m not sure my heart could take been broken again. I know I moved on too fast but eventually I addressed my feelings. This changed the way I view love and put a halt on the desire to date. I guess what I’m trying to say is how can people experience love and never take a moment to let the past go, let alone still date as if nothing has happened?

I made my mistakes and I learned from them. I pray I meet somebody that will change my outlook on love and reciprocate the same love I give to them.

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