Disclaimer: This is my opinion and what I say isn't law or bible. It's still your life to do whatever you want to do.
"The woman you are becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. Choose her over everything."
The 20's is an epic decade for numerous reasons, but no matter where you're at within this age range I have some unsolicited advice that can be useful whether you're 21 or 29. I'm typically not for unwarranted advice, but I'm slowly transitioning from hot girl shit to auntie mode and everybody knows that aunties just want to see the babies win and be great in life. Also within the past year I've been bartending and engaging with younger girls who ask me questions about life and getting through the 20's so this post isn't totally unwarranted lol. Grab a glass of wine or coffee and let's get into some unsolicited advice for surviving and thriving in your 20's.
Don't get pregnant. I know how you girls like to tussle, but having kids isn't for the weak and its not a game. Don't let social media, the patriarchy system, your family, or somebody's dusty son trick you into having a baby. There's a range of women from celebrities to the regular girl in your city or some girl you follow on the internet that's proof that motherhood isn't a cake walk. Your 20's and arguably the rest of your life are your selfish years. Please live your life to the fullest before you have a baby. Motherhood doesn't mean your life is over but a lot of decisions and desires are easier to execute when you don't have a baby on your hip. If you have baby fever try keeping other people's babies or work at a daycare or somewhere where there's kids and babies. Also having a child in today's economy without a support system is crazyyyy (Caresha voice) and having baby fever before you have house, car, good credit card, mental wellness, etc. is nuts and shows that you're already too immature for motherhood.
Don't get into credit card debt. America's current credit card debt is a $1 trillion and this is the highest it's ever been in history. As y'all know I've been a victim of excessive credit card debt, and I'm currently working on paying off some debate again but that's another story for another time. On the bright side credit cards aren't always bad because you need credit to obtain certain things such as a car, a house, etc. but be mindful of interest rates and don't fall into the cycle of get something now and paying it off later. Utilize Afterpay, Klarna, etc. or get an open end loan if you need something now. If you have to struggle to pay for something then it likely means that you don't need it. Only get a credit card if you're financially disciplined and most Americans are financially irresponsible. Credit cards are for emergencies or should be used if you can pay off the balance within the next month or so. Furthermore, if you need to build your credit get a credit card from a credit union (lower interest rates) or get a store card like Victoria Secret where the balance starts out low. Also I don't care how much you get approved for don't run up that balance pass $1,000. Once cards go over a stack it gets harder to pay it off as interest gets higher.
Be strategic and intentional. Life is all about choices and successful people reach a certain level of success because they had a goal in mind and they got on their zoom and made shit happen. Live in the present, but consider where you want to be at in the future and make decisions and choices that align with your goals and future self. A lot of people are unhappy with their lives because they made decisions that didn't align with their end goal or further deferred them from where they planned to be by a certain age. Honestly I feel behind due to certain decisions that I've made but I can't change the past. All I can do is be more intentional and give these next 2 years everything that I got to ensure that I show up at 30 with a greater foundation then I had in my 20's. Always remember long term satisfaction is greater than temporary discomfort or pleasure. The partying, dating, excessive shopping, etc. will always be there. Take your life and goals seriously and say no to anything that doesn't align with that.
Go to therapy. The internet isn't an open diary and some issues or information shouldn't be shared with your family and friends either. One of the best things I've done for my 20's is stay consistent with therapy. Therapy will help you become a better person and vibrate higher if you do the work. Therapy can help you heal your inner child, develop boundaries, and figure out who you are and what you like/want out of life. A major part of self-love and finding peace is correlated with sitting with your issues and working through them with a licensed professional, not the internet or your homegirls. If you can't afford a therapist or you're not ready to face your issues I'd advise you to get a journal or go to a bar and vent to the bartender or random strangers. Whatever you decide to do don't vent to the internet or some of the people in your life because those people don't give a fuck about you and unfortunately some people who know you personally will use your emotional vulnerability against you when it suits them.
It's never too late and you can come back from anything. If you don't listen to anything else that I'm saying today please remember that if God woke you up this morning then it's not too late. You made certain choices thats impacted you negatively or you're not satisfied with your life, but you have the power to change the narrative. Your current circumstances doesn't have to be your final destination. People will judge you and talk shit, but with God anything is possible. You're the producer of your life. Make cuts, add extras, or do 35 takes to ensure that the ending scene is what you want it to be. For all you know you might be at the climax or plot twist moment in your movie, don't give up. Keep going, keep praying, and fuck everybody who brings up who you use to be.
Results may vary. Do a wide range analysis, then make an informed decision. Following somebody else's blueprint doesn't guarantee that you'll receive the same outcome. Your life and circumstances is different from other peoples. For example, everybody is getting into content creation and certain videos such as GRWM is popular but doing it like Kirah or Jayda Wayda doesn't guarantee that you'll go viral. It's okay to record your own GRWM, but incorporate your own style and personality and in time your community will grow. Take what you can from the this game of life and make your own decisions so that no matter how things may turn out that you're okay, because you made your own choices and decisions. This way of thinking is a major reason why I don't believe in taking advice, buying courses, or investing in coaching from everybody, because people rarely mention that the game can be sold, but the outcome is still on you. Another example is some girls got their bodies done and had a baby with a man who has or somewhat had a name for himself, but they didn't end up like Jayda, Ari, or IG girls. They're another single mother who baby daddy ain't worth less than a dime. They followed the blueprint of having a fire body and fucking a nigga with some money, but their outcome is vastly different from some of the girls that they idolized. All I'm saying is nothing in life is guarantee and when you do stuff that's inspired or influenced by other people please understand that results may vary.
Comparison is the thief of joy and social media is a scheme setup by Todd. Social media is great for a lot of things but I dislike that these platforms thrive off of being superior. Prior to IG some people were content until they saw somebody with a high rise or watched a video where somebody was downplaying people who work a 9 to 5 and now everybody feels pressured to quit their job and become an entrepreneur. Learn to love yours and be content with your life and journey. Social media is smoke and mirrors, and there's nothing wrong with your life and even if something is wrong that doesn't mean that you need to be like so and so to be happy. Nobody is perfect and nobody has life figured out so comparing yourself to them is pointless. Also remember that everybody's timeline is different and stop engaging with content or people who make you feel inferior. Social media is great for business purposes or for some type of inspiration but don't get too caught up in it. Remember that content is edited clips that are put together for a final presentation, and some presentations are real but most of it is fake and strategically put together for a certain image or outcome. Listen to Love Yourz by J.Cole is you're struggling with comparison, and for the record this is something that I still struggle with as I'm ready for my blog and brand to grow but everything happens in God's timing.
Get a hobby. Life be lifing and it's easy to get wrapped up in working a job, furthering your education, or chasing your dreams. Rest and relaxtion is equally important, and having a hobby is a great way to decompress and take a break. My favorite hobbies are reading urban books and watching the Youtube girlies. I also recommend having a hobby that isn't costly or detrimental. There's nothing wrong with going shopping or going to the club frequently, but those are costly activities versus hobbies. If your unsure what kind of things you like to do take some time to figure it out, or consider what you enjoyed doing as child before you had bills and decisions to figure out potential hobbies.
I hope my advice helps somebody and no matter where you're at in your journey you're going to be okay.
"I think between the age 21-29 is a phase of hustle, suffering and smiling, toiling depression, over thinking, wondering whether you'll achieve your goals and make it in life. 90's babies hope y'all alright, it will be okay someday don't lose hope."
I'm going to be 28 next week and the birthday prep has begun as of this past Thursday. I have a lot of birthday content planned for Virgo season so make sure you're following me on Tiktok: erica_nicolexo
Positive news: Your girl got approved for an Amazon storefront and please checkout my store and shop with me. https://www.amazon.com/shop/ericanicole
