Updated: Sep 3
Disclaimer: I don't condone or endorse bullying which is becoming more noticeable as this ongoing discuss keeps unfolding. Keep it cute or put it on mute.
"Y'all be getting real nasty to each other over opinions and differences in lifestyles, that shit crazy."
I'm not sure what triggered this uproar, but over the past few days some content creators have decided to call out Sexxy Red and Sukihana for their music and how their presence has a negative impact on black women and the black community. Now the content girls and some of the boys are fighting lol, and somewhere between the stitches and comments this conversation has spiraled out of control from allegedly being concerned about the state of black women and our community to demeaning these girls.
Grab a glass of wine or cup of coffee as I get into some of the interesting commentary and think pieces...
Monolith ( I just learned this word and I love it)
First off, we need to agree or disagree that black woman are or are not a monolith. In certain scenarios people are quick to say black women aren't one in the same, but somehow the narrative has switched to these two woman are representing black woman in a negative way which contradicts the notion that black woman aren't a monolith.
Black woman are diverse and this current topic has transitioned from caring about the community to ratchet vs. modest women which is tiresome. Black girls are multi-facet and this part of the conversation heavily resembles the clean girl aesthetic stance or regular girls vs. IG models debate. Why can't black women have the luxury of existing without the extra nuances and expectations. All black women don't think nor behave the same way and lastly, I'm highly confused on who said or deemed these two women as the representatives for black women. Matter of fact the only person who represents me and my image is me. How other black women decide to identify and represent themselves isn't my business. I also find it hard to believe that anybody looks at Sexxy Red and tells themselves that she resembles the image of Michelle Obama or Beyonce.
Respect is needed.
I'm disappointed in how the lack of respect got lost in a conversation that allegedly started over concern for black women and our community. I'm all for having uncomfortable conversations, but a lot of the commentary is giving that because they act in a way that isn't deemed socially acceptable that they don't deserve respect and I highly disagree with that. Respect is the bare minimum and whether they like these girls are not demeaning them and taking their commentary to hell isn't called for. God thought enough of these ladies to die for them and there's a way to speak your piece without verbally attacking somebody. Forward thinking and productive conversations can't happen when name calling and other irrelevant jabs are being thrown into the conversation. It's one thing to not like her or her music, but the other shenanigans isn't helping the situation, and it's giving that they don't like her which is what some people should've initially said instead of dragging all black women into this conversation. A lot of commenters and the main creator to spark this conversation come off as mean girls and I don't like that.
When people keep referencing "they" I need clarification on who is "they". Normally in the black community the word "they" is synonymous to white people which brings the conversation to respectability politics. Who are we trying to impress or portrait a good image to? Regardless of what type of black woman you identify as simply being a woman that's black already put an unsaid image and target on your back. Personally, I don't like nor abide by societal rules including respectability politics, because it's rooted in making women especially black women feel less than and it also doesn't make sense to follow a set of rules for a game that was never designed for you to win. Whether your ghetto fabulous, an around the way girl, classy, etc. somebody especially white people will find a way to tear you down simply because you're a black woman. Michelle Obama and other "classy" women are examples of meeting the political guidelines and still being talked about negatively.
From my perspective the two content creators that played a major role in this conversation weren't speaking from a colorist standpoint, but I understand why colorism is being brought up. Women of a lighter hue talk about the same topics in their music, but nobody is writing think pieces or trying to condemn them. Colorism and internalized racism is a problematic issue within the black community, and I often feel like healing and moving forward isn't obtainable until we talk about why our own people are against us. It should always be us verse them, not us verse us.
Influence vs. Accountability.
I get that influence is real from when Nicki Minaj became popular and everybody including me was getting bangs and rocking a name plate chain to being an influencer is some peoples career. But at some point consumers have to take responsibility for what they consume and the part they play in certain music, TV shows, podcast, etc. becoming mainstream or gaining popularity. Whether the media or alleged industry has an agenda, consumers still play a major role in what narrative is being pushed. As a consumer you have the option to engage or not interact with certain things, and more people need to utilize the latter option and find music, TV shows, etc. that aligns with who they are. Sexxy Red has been making music for 5 years, but the consumers on Tiktok is why she blew up in the matter of months. I also grew up in an environment that breeds women like Sexxy Red (no shade) and I said that to say that a lot of women upbringing and environment plays a major role in how they currently act which isn't Sexxy Red, Suki's, or other influencers fault.
I agree with bringing light and attention to problematic issues but it's unfair to call out these girls and dismiss other past and current artist who do the same thing. I'm lowkey concerned for the people who believe that Trina, Khia, and Lil Kim's music wasn't as explicit as Sexxy Red. And for content purposes how is the lyrics "My coochie pink, my booty hole brown" by Sexxy Red any wilder or more damaging than "My neck, my back, lick my pussy & my crack" by Khia. Why are these 2 girls getting the brunt of a long standing systematic and problematic issue. There's so many artist, brands, schemes, etc. that play a part in the downfall of our community and if Sexxy Red is too much then a lot of other mainstream artist and popular shows like Baddies West need to stop being endorsed as well. We have to stop picking and choosing to embrace something based on our likeness of the creator. If it's damaging our people then it needs to go, and there's far worst things such as the Shade Room and Spiritual Word that's damaging our community on a daily bases. Everybody needs to evaluate what they support and triple check their day to day actions to ensure that they aren't harming or playing a role in the downfall of our community as well.
Social Media vs. Real Life
Is this conversation being based on the metaverse or real life. According to the socials everybody has good coochie, participates in outside activities, and looking for the hoes, but in real life the average woman isn't doing any of that. What's deemed to be true on the socials tends to contradict what's happening in real life. Once again influence is real, but a lot of people need to log off the internet for a few days and get in touch with reality. Outside of social media these girls aren't relevant enough or haven't been in the game long enough to say that they have a negative impact on the community.
They're beating the odds.
This one is going to hurt some feelings but oh well. Some people are mad that these girls didn't follow none of the rules and they're still making money and getting the privilege of being around highly sought after men. A lot of people suffer from superior complex and they can't believe that women who they view as beneath them is excelling let alone being viewed as appealing to some of their favorites such as Drake and Diddy. Women are very petty, and unfortunately some women who fall under the "respectful, clean, and modest" category believe that other girls outside of that aren't worthy of any fame, praise, come up, or blessings which is sad within itself.
What about the kids who listen to their music and aspire to be like them?
We need to go back to the mindset of everything isn't age appropriate for kids. Parents have to go back to parenting and not letting the electronics and social platforms raise their kids. There's no reason for a kindergartener or anybody under the age of 16-17 (borderline still too young) to engage in Sexxy Red, Suki, Nicki, Cardi, etc. type of content. Some content is rated mature for a reason and solely blaming the rap girlies for why the teenagers want a bust down middle part and singing about their anatomy parts is out of line and gives poor parenting an easy scapegoat. I grew up in a household were certain shows and music wasn't allowed and I had no knowledge or understanding of certain things until high school or once I went to college. No matter how you try to spin it, allowing social media and artists to influence your kids is poor parenting, period.
Why is being a fun girl a crime?
Sometimes I feel like anything that doesn't promote hustle, having goals, or something that requires black women to be striving towards something is labeled problematic. We're allowed to be even if you don't like it. We're allowed to twerk. We're allowed to scream out period whenever we agree with something. We're allowed to let our hair down and act bad. There's depth and levels to being a black woman. Society and definitely not social media will define me or make me feel bad for wanting to listen to their music or act up from time to time.
I'm a corporate work from home baddie by day and bartender or hot girl at night.
I'm educated, but I know how to throw my ass in a circle and turn up for the night.
I enjoy tea parties and fine dining restaurants but smoking hookah and listening to trap rap or Latto is my vice.
Are you active outside of the socials?
One of my main issues with this topic and other topics that go viral is outside of recording yourself or going back and forth in the comments what are most people doing offline to course correct the problem. Criticizing the community but not having a solution or actively helping the community within your proximity makes me question how much do some people care. There's so many ways to better your community outside of going in on these girls. Join the big brother/big sister program (I did it for a year a few years ago), start a mentoring program (one of my long term goals), make care packages for homeless black people, advocate and encourage our people to take their mental health seriously, attend black networking events, introduce the community to new experiences, volunteer, join a grad chapter of the divine 9 (they give back to the our communities), etc. There's so many ways to initial or lend a helping hand in bettering the community but hopping online and conjuring up think pieces then logging off or throwing out insults when somebody challenges your way of thinking ain't it (and yes I said ain't).
Here's some quick takeaways when it comes to this dead-end conversation
Opinions are like assholes everybody has one.
Opinions aren't facts, law, or bible.
Opinions are formed based on how people were raised and their life experiences which explains why some people are for or against women like Sexxy Red.
You don't have to like somebody in order to give them the basic level of respect.
No matter how you label yourself as a black women it'll never be enough for society that was designed to keep us down which is why you should continue to be you and be great at.
Influence is real but so is having control over the content you consume.
To wrap it up, we have to learn how to have conversations that lead to solutions or a middle ground vs. getting nice nasty and degrading each other. Currently nobody is offering a solution except for separate yourself from "those types of girls" which I understand but at the same time this solution creates division and we have enough things going on in the community that's separating us.
I don't have all the answers but a great starting point is making an effort to understand these girls and women with similar aesthetics. What's labeled "hood rat" behavior stems from somewhere and we need to get to the root of the behavior and stop putting them down. Sometimes you have to meet people where they're at. Another solution is to tap into what's going on in your city and start there before you decide to course correct the masses. Lastly, stop engaging in content that wasn't meant for you. Everything isn't for everybody and thats okay.
This ongoing topic will die down sometime next week and everything will go back to its regular scheduled program. However, if it's you truly care about black women and the community then I encourage you to do your part online and offline. Progress is a process, and we've gotten a lot of work to do when it comes to saving our community.
"And if you don't like it, tune the fuck out. And you must like it 'cause you tuned the fuck in"
- Meg The Stallion
Make sure your following me on all social media platforms including
Positive news: Your girl got approved for an Amazon storefront and please checkout my store and shop with me. https://www.amazon.com/shop/ericanicole