Disclaimer: For once this story isn't about me but I was brought into a situation that needs to be talked about.
"If he wanted to, he would."
So I was at work Monday night and I decided to ask everybody what we're they doing for Valentine's Day (mind you most bars or restaurants requires staff to work on major holidays). This one guy pops off and say he was going to ask this girl on a date but he's not sure yet. Tell me why the girl he's talking about is standing behind me. I turn around and she looks shocked by his response. Mind you I'm also shocked because he's 31 and she's 19. I'm thinking to myself that this age gap is alarming, but we'll talk about maturity, age gaps, and grooming on another blog post.
Here's a breakdown on this conversation went.
Me: Valentine's Day is tomorrow technically 6 hours from now at this point, and your just now asking or better yet considering asking the girl you like on a date. You need to do better. (Of course telling a black man to do better didn't settle well.)
Him: I mean at least I was considering asking her and I still have time to plan something if I want.
Me:So you're a man with no real plans, but you expect her to be available tomorrow if you decide to plan something at the last minute. What if somebody's son who was already interested in her already made plans for tomorrow.
Him: Technically we already discussed doing something after Valentine's Day and why are men always expected to do something for a made up holiday.
Me: If you like her then you would make an effort to do something whether it's flowers, a dinner, etc. Why should she waste her time on a man with no plans.
The conversation went silence and the girl was still standing there shaking her head in agreement with everything I was saying and he just walked off. Later on he came to the bar and ask if I could further explain "the man without a plan" statement because it was really bothering him.
I told him when a woman reaches a certain age it doesn't make sense to keep entertaining men who doesn't have any plans or good intentions when it comes to dating. It's cool to play around with men in your early 20's, but after 25 you have to date with a purpose. I broke down how this girl is 19 and what she requires at that age is the bare minimum because she's new to adulthood and she's just happy to be dating and living life. As she gets older she's going to realize that playing around with men is a waste of time and she needs a man who has plans for himself and for her as well. Of course he counter argument was "what about potential".
I explained that potential is fine but what about your current situation should make any women believe that your going to live up to your potential. I used my ex for an example by saying that he wanted to be a principal which had certain requirements. When I met him he already had his own everything including a masters degree and he was already working in the school system. The likelihood that he would become a principal was very likely because the foundation was already there. I also mentioned how later on he did get the position after we broke up but that wasn't the cause of us parting ways. I also explained that saying you're going to do something and actually following through with it, is two different things.
Surprisingly this example of my ex helped him see the bigger picture and purpose behind becoming a man with a plan. The conversation got more interesting when he brought up his previous situationship and mentioned how it didn't work out because the girl was hoe. I challenged his definition of a hoe, and he said whenever they weren't on good terms she would go on a dates with other men and tell him that she went out with somebody else. I confirmed that she never had sex with any of these men and informed him that a hoe is somebody who's having sex with multiple men, not somebody who's dating and keeping her options open. He still looked confused so I further explained that society and most men assume that men and women can't date or get to know each other without sex being involved. Dating doesn't equate to fucking or any type of intimate/sexual encounter. He said he's never thought about it like that and he actually thanked me for enlightening him on the "man with a plan" statement.
I'm glad he finally picked up on what I putting down, but in reality he's 31, and he has a lot of self-development to do before he can approach somebody's daughter with good intentions and a plan if they advance from the dating phase.
I shared this situation because somebody's son and somebody's daughter needed to read this.
Here's 3 Takeaways from this encounter
If it's important to you (somebody's daughter) then it should be important to him. People that genuinely care or like you will care about the things that's important to you even if it's a man made holiday.
A man that wants you wouldn't leave you in a state of confusion. Read that again. If you're confused about him or you're in a situationship, do yourself a favor and move on.
Older men seek out younger girls because they're naive. It's not because they're cute or so mature for their age, but rather the women his age require more and he doesn't have nothing but low vibrations to offer. From a auntie/big sister perspective until your 25 (which is when the brain is fully developed) you shouldn't date somebody who is significantly older than you unless you're on your city girl shit.
I hope y'all enjoyed Valentine's Day and I pray this story time will help somebody's daughter put an end to the bare minimum and require more next year. I'm still manifesting for the month of February 2024, I'm going to have a Galentine's Day event, a solo self-love trip, and a weekend getaway with somebody's son. Ladies we deserve it all and don't let society, social media, and somebody's dusty son tell you any different.
"Never control him. Let him do what he wants to do so you can see what he'd rather do. His actions will always show how much he respects you."
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Outside of Valentine’s Day it’s still black history month, and this week's promo is Sweet Cookie Wash which is a black owned feminine hygiene company. All of these products have no chemicals and they’re great for keeping your cookie clean and smelling fresh. I love the cookie wash and cookie oil. Visithttps://sweetcookies.org and use referral code ERICANICOLEXO.
