Disclaimer: No matter your relationship status I hope by the end that you'll have clarity on how to move forward. I'm also aware that all races and cultures go through issues, but I'm speaking on black love and black women because that what I identify as and can relate too.
"Free the girls from the shackles of the bare minimum."
It's a lot going on with the girls.
Halle had a baby.
Ashanti is allegedly pregnant.
Watch Jazzy is on tour and went viral for saying she's the 3rd baby momma to a rich nigga. Meanwhile her baby daddy has vocalized on his podcast how he struggles with cheating.
Cardi B went live breaking down about how Offset keeps embarrassing her.
Simone Biles's husband went viral for basically saying he's the prize.
RHOP girls are down bad. Robyn is defending her cheating husband every episode and Ashley is dragging out a divorce from her husband who's been accused of some wild things over the years.
Zonnique was trending after sharing a video where her baby daddy said if they didn't have a kid he wouldn't be with her.
A tiktoker went viral for saying she has 3 jobs, she's living with a man who doesn't help her pay the bills, and this same man couldn't give her $10 until she got paid.
Morgan & the random man for Atlanta (Tiktok tea).
Shay, her mother, & the deadbeat baby daddy (Love & Hip Hop).
The end of 2023 went out with a bang and the start of 2024 is coming in hot.
In true social media fashion people went live to voice their feelings and people typed up their think pieces and basically called all of these women stupid. Meanwhile these women are still laid up with their villainized man. One creator's (Shantell) made a statement which was my exact sentiments on all these situations which is, "She not gonna leave that man and as a matter fact we need to leave her alone."
I don't like seeing the girls get dragged the way Charles dragged Helen out of that house, but in the words of J.Cole "Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved." Seriously though, I've accepted that some women want a man by any means necessary and as much as I love women empowerment I don't support every female because some of these bitches are very dumb, and another thing after a certain age being love sick and dick-matized shows lack of maturity. Allowing bullshit at 23 is one thing, but still entertaining certain behaviors at 43, is a cause for concern.
But then again I'm just a single black female addicted to retail..what the fuck do I know.
Playing Devil's Advocate...
I think a lot of women get online looking for a community to support, enable, or validate them, but instead they end up going viral and receiving advice that they're not ready to hear.
I can speak from experience that women leave when they feel ready, and no amount of think pieces or backlash will speed up the process. A well known artist once said "When a woman's fed up, it ain't nothing you can do about it" and they're right.
While some girls are stuck on stupid berating them isn't going to course correct the issue. A lot of women online and in real life are loss in the sauce so taking the tough love approach will fall on deaf ears. It's not always about what you say, but rather how you say it. However I do believe certain age groups and behaviors warrants the tough love approach. For example, how Shay's momma got on her ass and basically called her stupid for getting pregnant again by her daughter's deadbeat father was necessary. No shade, but Shay is pushing 40, why is somebody's son still playing in her and her daughter's face.
Then again every women's mentality regarding men evolves at different times and some women's mindset never evolves. Age, childhood trauma, and life experiences are factors that impact why some women move how they move with men. Some of these lives and think pieces are condescending and any woman that's dated long enough has experienced the bullshit with somebody's son.
It's fine that some of us can't relate to these women, but there's a vast difference between course correction and shaming somebody. As I mentioned earlier every women and situation doesn't meet the criteria for a tough love. Sometimes you have to meet people where they are and sometimes you have to leave them where they're at too. A content creator named Ashley Dalton gives the girls conducive grown grown advice and she goes live throughout the week to talk to women that are dating or going through it with somebody son. She has mastered the art of showing love and remaining nonjudgemental while being direct and giving realistic advice.
In this digital age relying on discernment is important. If you have a platform or genuinely want better for black women use your energy, wisdom, and platform to make videos and content for the girls who are receptive, and let the rest of the girls do them in peace.
I said all that to say the sooner everybody can decipher between the women who want help vs. the woman who want somebody to enable them the sooner these viral situations will die down or stop becoming a social media norm.
Stop falling out with your friends over her relationship choices. I've told y'all this before and I still stand on this, if you choose to vocalize your feelings about your homegirl's relationship or tell her that he's cheating be prepared for one of the following to happen; your friendship ends, her man will have her thinking your jealous of her, or you'll become the scapegoat to her relationship issues. I've yet to witness a woman leave a man after an intervention from her homegirl, and if being a listening ear is too much I suggest implementing boundaries before you lose your friend over a man that is likely going to fuck her over in the near future.
Furthermore, boundaries will prevent you from getting overly invested in her relationship. A lot of times being overly invested is why some women can't mind their business. Always remember your friend is dating him sis, not you and unless he's beating on her or their dynamic is negatively impacting their kid you should keep your commentary to a minimum.
Also, if you're the single friend who's giving out unsolicited advice please understand that your homegirl may try to humble you by reminding you that you don't have man. If being single is an insecurity please tread lightly.
One of my biggest flex as a friend is all of my girls know that they can confide in me. I don't come off as judgmental, but I'm direct and honest if you ask for my input. Part of being a solid friend is asking what she needs from you in that moment so you can figure out how to best support her. Another part of being a friend or even a girl's girl is mastering how to be direct without being an enabler or condescending.
Maintaining a friendship is challenging especially when your friend is going through relationship woes, but sisterhood is so important. Sometimes the downside to being a good friend is seeing them through the bullshit. However this mentality isn't valid if your homegirl is on her fifth situation-ship within a six month timeframe.
If all else fails pray for discernment on how to handle your homegirl and her relationship shit.
Sisterly advice for the women looking for support online
If you're not going to leave him I don't think it's wise to get online and start having story time. The girls are going to eat you up every time, please choose peace. Also, if you're going to stay with him stop slandering his name to your family and friends. They think he's a horrible man based off the things you've shared. I'm lowkey scared of and concerned for the girls who bash their man but keep going back. It's time to get a journal or a therapist.
Some shit you go through with somebody's son should be taken to the grave and not aired out for people to laugh and use that information against you. At best write a tell all book or get in the studio to profit off your pain.
Be honest about what you want and stand on that. The quote, "the girls who don't ask for nothing deserve everything" is bullshit. You get what you ask and demand for. Also remember high standards keeps you from low quality experiences.
No matter how beautiful and accomplished you are you're not above the bullshit. I felt this way about the Nia Long situation, Simone Biles, etc. Being deemed socially as that girl doesn't mean that man will see you that way because if he did he would've never put himself in the position to lose you and that's word to Flo Milli.
I believe in de-centering men, but if he's a good man savannah you should stick beside him and be in your lover girl era. However, deep down you know if you have a good man and the happy girlies aren't online asking for advice, I'm just saying...
You don't need a man to validate you.
Marriage is important and it's okay if you want to get married.
What you allow will continue, remember that.
Struggle love is a choice. Choose wisely.
Your relationship, your rules but remember Drake said "Pussy run everything, fuck that noise".
Honorable mention, it's tax time sis. Stay woke.
As always I love us for real and I want to see women thrive and get everything they want in this lifetime. However, you can't want something for somebody more than they want it for themselves.
Don't listen to what people say. They don't know about, 'bout you and me. Put it out your mind cause it's jealousy. They don't know about this here."
- Chloe & Gunna
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